


Snapped

by Saturning



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort, Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt, Hurt Merlin, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Merlin's Magic Revealed, Oblivious Arthur Pendragon, Running Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-01 16:32:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 26,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15777852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saturning/pseuds/Saturning
Summary: Arthur is a twat. An absolute douche and Merlin just can't stand to be around him anymore, for that he was so arrogant and praised for things Merlin had done. His wish to just run off, out of Camelot and never return grew bigger with everytime he had to safe his prince, adding a new secret to his endless collection. The prince he loved and hated so much at the same time.So one unforgiving and tiring day - he justs snaps.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the first chapter of my new story!  
> I don't know yet how long it will be. Maybe just a few chapters, maybe me more, we will see.  
> I hope you enjoyed it and will still enjoy it in the future!

Yesterday has been exhausting and long. Another sorcerer showed up with some difficult tactic to overthrow the king, his plan of course involved killing Arthur, as all the plans did and Merlin had a rough time stopping those damned assassins, while Arthur walked around obliviously, attended dinner with his father and flirted with young maids from the court of whatever important person they dined and made plans with this time. He only actively fought off one last weak assassin trying to pierce a dagger through the king's heart, and even back then Merlin made the man trip over his own robes in order to provide more time for Arthur to realize and react.  
So to summarize Merlin's evening: Arthur was praised, Merlin was doing chores. Even more than usual, because Arthur was mad at him, for being absent most afternoon. Of course Arthur didn't know, that Merlin had been fighting off potential murderers, that the reason he was still alive, was that Merlin had been absent. Merlin knew he couldn't blame Arthur for being mad at his absence, but it still made him angry, because again it was Arthur who got thanked for saving the king, and Merlin who got punished for it. He was so sick of it.  
So now he was sitting in Arthur's chambers, way too early in the morning, polishing his armour and listening to him talking about the dinner and the maids. In fact, Merlin didn't really listen. The events of the past night were still glooming over him, the dead faces always on his mind. His eye bags darker than ever, his limbs still hurting and his wounds not healed yet, he sat there, not really seeming alive. He tried to act just as normal as ever, but actually listening to Arthur's stories full of arrogance would have just been too much to ask of the young warlock. Usually it was really amusing to listen to the Prince acting like he saved everyone and seeing the pride shining in his eyes, but now? Just exhausting. Everything surrounding the crown prince was exhausting. His character, the duties, the chores, the mixed messages he sends like all the time and the _feelings_. He was so _tired_.  
"Merlin!"  
The servant looked up startled.  
"Sorry, Sire. What was that again?"  
"Did you listen to a word I said?"  
"I'm sorry, Sire."  
Arthur put down the chicken he had in his hand and looked at Merlin with raised eyebrows.  
"You're using 'Sire' quite appropriate today. What's wrong?"  
"Why does something have to be wrong? Maybe I'm just trying to be a better servant", Merlin muttered annoyed.  
"No that's not like you. You have made no comments all morning, barely talked at all. The one time I am trying to be talkative and you don't even listen!"  
"I said I'm sorry, Sire. It's been a rough night for me and I'm tired."  
"Yes of course you are. I suppose that's normal after a whole afternoon in the tavern and I must say it serves you right." Arthur smiled at him mischievously, making Merlin look up in confusion.  
"The tavern? Is that where you think I've been?" He asked.  
"No, Merlin. It's where I _know_ you have been. There's no point in denying it anymore, Gaius told me."  
"Ah yes, of course. Who else could have told you."  
"Stop whining now Merlin. Just be glad you only got extra chores and not a visit in the dungeon. I've shown mercy to you."  
"Mercy?" Merlin spat and regretted so instantly.  
"Sorry, Sire. I didn't mean to say that."  
"Excuse me? Are you questioning me? A visit in the dungeon can still be arranged, you know."  
"No it's fine, I'm doing my chores and just… shut up, be silent. I thought you’d like that for once.”

The way Arthur’s eyes were locked on his face, made Merlin very uncomfortable and maybe even a bit flustered, so he quickly turned to look at the armour again.

“I don’t like this, Merlin. I’ve seen you tired before, but this behaviour is nothing like you.” If Merlin didn’t know any better, it may have sounded as the crown prince was _concerne_ _d_ for his _manservant._

“As if you really knew what I am like.”, the warlock said quietly, rolling his eyes.

Arthur frowned.

“Sorry to disappoint you Merlin, but you’ve been around me for years, like fifteen hours every single day. I know you like the back of my hand, although I don’t want to. As well as you know me by heart by now, although that creeps me out, too.” A tiny smile crept up the prince’s face, until he saw his servant’s still serious, even kind of sad, expression and it faded again.

Merlin had to think of all the secrets he held. The secrets he didn’t want. The secrets he didn’t choose to have. The secrets he didn’t want to keep from Arthur, but had to. The secrets he couldn’t tell anyone about, in order to keep them safe. The secrets he had to deal with alone.

To be fair, he had Gaius. But that wasn’t enough. He couldn’t talk to Gaius about his nightmares and emotional issues everyday, he would worry the old man to the death.

Anyway, it was ridiculous that Arthur thought he knew everything about Merlin. He didn’t know about his magic, he didn’t know about him being a dragonlord, he didn’t know about all the times he saved his prince, he didn’t know about all the people he’d rescued, he didn’t know about all the people he’d saved, he didn’t know about all the people he’d _killed._ Killed for _him._

And he certainly didn’t know about the warlock’s unbearable _love for him._ It made everything worse.

“I don’t think you do, Sire. And I don’t think I know you in and out, either.” The raven haired boy replied reserved, his hands started shaking slightly, all his fears and anger swelling up inside his slim body. He was close to know Arthur in and out, however there are missing important information, too important to be ignored, as for how he would react to a confession. A confession including everything. Magic, murder and love.

“Don’t be humble. You may be _only_ my manservant, but there’s probably no one who knows me better than you. God, this sounds so corny.” Arthur laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. Why was he saying such affectionate things towards his servant, who he should be angry with for ditching his duties to go to the tavern?

A loud shattering sound interrupted the prince’s laugh, startling him. The source was his armour scattering over the floor to Merlin’s feet, who had suddenly stood up, causing the armour to fall in the first place.

“Merlin you absolute clumsy idiot-” Arthur started, but was cut off by an almost silent “Shut up.”, coming from his manservant’s direction.

Merlin stared down on the scattered armour, now shaking visibly. He tried to conceal his emotions, really tried to hold his feelings at bay, but it was so _hard._ And when Arthur exclaimed “Excuse you!”, he just – _snapped_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I'm letting all of you down with this chapter, because it didn't turn out nearly as good as I wanted it to be. I only like the ending.  
> I hope that you will like it anyways, though.  
> If you find mistakes, please feel free to tell me.  
> Kudos and Comments are greatly appreciated and thank you all for reading!  
> So yeah, enjoy!

“No, I won’t”

Merlin’s voice was dangerously low as he finally turns to look at Arthur again, showing a determined expression.

“What?”, Arthur asked dumbfounded.

“I won’t excuse myself.”, Merlin repeated slowly through gritted teeth.

“Did you forget who I am?” The prince looked at him in utter disbelief and shock. Who did Merlin think he was to tell his master to shut up? It wasn’t the first time he said it, of course it wasn’t regarding their usual banter, but it most certainly was the first time he meant it.

“Oh how could I?” A halfhearted laugh left his manservant.

“I tried to forget, to look past it, but you never failed to remind me of my position and that we are never going to be equals.”

“What are you talking about? Merlin we _aren’t_ equals. We never will be, for I am a _prince_ and you are my _manservant._ I didn’t think you were that much of an idiot.”

“I guess I really am for thinking we could have been friends. For thinking you could ever acknowledge me for who I am, for what I have done for you! For that I went through hell for you more times than you know, but you are right. That’s just too much to ask of a _prince._ ”

“What do you mean _what you have done for me?_ You are a terrible servant!”

“I am not talking about my chores and duties.”, Merlin hissed, knowing fully well that he stepped on dangerous territory now.

“What else could you be possibly talking about? As far as I know, your days consist of doing chores _and going to the tavern!_ ”, Arthur replied furiously.

Merlin laughed at that, fuelling Arthur's rage.

“I hate the tavern, Arthur! I have been there maybe twice in my life!”

“Then why did Gaius tell me those things?”

“To keep me safe from your _stupid_ laws! You really don’t know me, do you? What am I saying, of course you don’t! You never made the effort to look past my servant being. To think about me more than five minutes a day, because if you did, you would know that nothing made sense! I get easily drunk, so why would I go to the tavern all the time? And why am I always in the tavern, when bad things are happening in Camelot? And I stop going to the tavern when they are over?”

“What are you trying to say?”, Arthur hissed.

“You fool still can’t see it?”, he shook his head, “Fucking hell I’ve been involved in all of those things! I have been saving you and Camelot and so much more people all the time! At least Freya thanked me for helping her and so did Mordred and Lancelot and Balinor and Will and Gaius. But I saved all of them _once or twice._ But you on the other hand, _you,_ you never thanked me for anything. Not for being your servant, not for standing up to or for you, not for drinking poison for you, not for saving your father, not for saving Camelot and most certainly not for saving _you_ more times than I can count. I _killed for you!_ ”

“Merlin, you saved me once. One time and that’s how you got the job of being my servant. You should be _honoured,_ but instead you are now telling me of the crimes you have committed. What comes next? How many more surprises do you have for me? I really thought I knew you.” The words came out calm, but the disappointment and anger was clearly audible.

“A lot more actually.” Merlin was filled with adrenaline and confidence, ready to come clear. He took a few seconds to think about the consequences, but the adrenaline stopped him from _really_ thinking about what will happen after he confesses his two deepest secrets to the prince.

“Oh, please. I would just _love_ to hear them.”, Arthur said sarcastically, but Merlin took him by the word anyways.

“I have magic”, he blurted out eventually. He could feel his heart beat in his whole body, shaking extremely. He couldn’t take the words back now. It was done.

“You’re lying”, Arthur stated, but Merlin saw his doubts written in his eyes.

“I’m a sorcerer.”

“That’s not- That _can’t_ be true and you know it.”

“Oh you think? How would you know? You never paid attention. How the fuck do you think I’m still alive? You dragged me we with you to all those dangerous adventures without any armour or weapon! Did you really think you were just such a good fighter, that nothing will happen to me? Or did you just not care at all if I die or not?”

“You- no. This- What- No!”, Arthur weakly tried to defend himself, but he couldn’t even believe himself.

“Prove it!”

Merlin nodded firmly.

“I expected that.”, he said and looked around the room.

Arthur watched closely as his servant raised a hand, saying words he couldn’t understand. And then his eyes shone golden and suddenly a short breeze blew out all the candles in his chambers. And Arthur felt empty, then confused, then sad and then he was furious, all in split seconds.

“ _How fucking dare you”_ , he started shouting, “All this time and you have been a bloody sorcerer? I defended you! Several times! Was this all some kind of sick plan? Did you cause these events? Or did you prevent them in order to fulfill your own disgusting plan?”

“Are you out of your fucking mind, Arthur Pendragon? Do you even hear yourself? I wouldn’t dare to harm Camelot or you! I was protecting you, because _I love you_ you dickhead and it’s my destiny to protect you!”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Merlin froze. He didn’t plan to say that, but now he couldn’t take it back, still he pressed his hand on his mouth, as if he could say something worse. There was no worse.

Arthur kept quiet. He seemed just as frozen, staring at Merlin like he was some kind of ghost. Too many overwhelming feelings were inside him and he didn’t trust himself to speak, he wouldn’t know what to say anyways.

As the seconds passed, Merlin decided what he’s going to do. What he had to do. And very soon his fear vanished, leaving him still slightly shaking, but sure of his words.

“I am proud to be a sorcerer and I’m proud of my magic. I know you don’t understand this, but magic is not evil, it’s a tool you can use for either good or bad. I have only ever tried to protect my loved ones and Camelot. I guess that is over now and it’s time for me to leave.”, his breath shook and he was dangerously close to cry, but he won’t allow himself to do so, not yet at least.

As calmly as the warlock could manage, he turned around and walked to the door. Arthur continued to be silent, Merlin wasn’t sure if he liked it or not.

At last he faced the prince one more time.

“You ran out of luck, Arthur Pendragon”, he stated, “although you were never really lucky. I was your luck, I protected you, but unfortunately I ran out of patience. I couldn’t live on like this, I hope you will understand that one day. It just… hurt too much. Good luck and… goodbye, Arthur.”

Those last words said, he turned and left the prince’s chambers for good. While walking towards his own chambers, he felt strangely empowered. He knew the sadness and fear would take over soon, but for the moment he felt free and he treasured this feeling.

 

Arthur was left standing in his chambers all alone. The armour was still scattered on the floor, but he found himself staring at the blown out candles, Merlin’s golden eyes on his mind. And he felt so much that it felt like nothing at all again.

His chambers were locked that day, he didn’t leave them once. Sent everyone away, who knocked on his door. Talked to no one. Just _thought._

And as he was going to bed that night, waiting for the sleep to take him, he wondered if all of this was some kind of strange dream. If Merlin would be there tomorrow morning to wake him up from this nightmare.

Eventually, sleep took him late at night, and his dreams were filled with dark hair, shattered smiles and scattered tears, and a pair of beautiful blue eyes, so familiar and warm and soft, shining gold every now and then.


	3. Chapter 3

Merlin helplessly stared at the door to Gaius’ chambers. He knew what he’d have to do when he entered, but he didn’t want to, tried to ignore it. However, he couldn’t. Of course he couldn’t, it was inevitable. He had to say goodbye to Gaius, at least for quite some time.

After what felt like forever but still not long enough, he finally build up the courage to go inside, but as soon as he stepped over the door sill, tears stood in his eyes.

“Merlin! I didn’t expect you back so soon – what’s wrong?”

Of course Gaius noticed the tears immediately.

“I’m so sorry Gaius, I – I failed”, Merlin croaked out, quickly closing the door behind him.

“What happened ‘m boy? Arthur – he’s not dead is he?”

He shook his head.

“No, but-”, Merlin had to pause for a moment, because the lump in his throat grew too big. Gaius waited patiently as he carefully patted his back and Merlin took a few shaky breaths until he was able to continue.

“He knows. _Everything._ ”, he simply said, but Gaius understood, his eyes widened in shock.

“How? What did he say? You aren’t getting arrested, are you?”

“I don’t know if he’ll tell somebody. The guards could already be searching for me, Gaius. I’m so sorry. I will tell everyone that you didn’t know and you will do the same. I can’t have you in danger because of me. Camelot can’t have you dead, you’re needed”, Merlin explained, his voice higher than usual and he did take breaks to sniff every now and then.

“How did Arthur find out?”, Gaius asked calmly, ignoring what the warlock previously said.

“I told him- I told him everything, I mean _everything,_ Gaius. Not only the magic.”

Now the tears couldn’t be held back, they started pouring from his eyes and streaming off his cheeks.

“Oh my poor boy”, Gaius said with pity, embracing Merlin in a tight hug. Merlin held onto him as if he was the last solid rock in a horrendously stormy sea, he thought if he let go of him, he’ll drown and that might as well be true.

“I’m sorry, Gaius. I’m so so sorry. I didn’t intend to tell him, but I was so tired and he was so arrogant and mean and I just couldn’t get a hold of myself. I’m so sorry I failed you”, Merlin started babbling in his whiny voice and Gaius could possibly feel his heart break a little.

“You haven’t failed me. You didn’t fail. You managed to conceal everything for so long and I’m proud of you, no matter what”, the old man tried to sound reassuring, but tears started prickling in his eyes as well and it got harder to talk with every second he heard Merlin crying and apologizing.

“I will have to leave. I don’t want to die and I don’t want to make it worse, so I will leave Camelot as soon as I can. But this is not a goodbye. I promise, I will come back again, sooner or later and visit you. I promise. You are like a father to me and I’d hate to say goodbye, so I don’t. It’s a see you later, okay? I _will_ see you later, Gaius, alright?”

Merlin backed off eventually, looking Gaius in the eyes. The man slowly nodded.

“It’s okay, Merlin. I understand. It’s not goodbye. I will be looking forward to the day you return and I will do everything in my power so my son, my proud warlock, can walk freely in this land soon, because you are like a son to me, too. I will miss you”

“I will miss you, too” It was only a weak whisper, but Gaius understood anyway.

“Did you talk to your friends already? Have you packed?”

Merlin shook his head again.

“Then you go and say goodbye – I mean see you later – to them while I get a horse ready for you outside the castle walls. You have two hours, okay?”

“Will you be there to say farewell?”

“It would be too dangerous, people might get suspicious if I spent too much time outside the walls and I want you to be safe. So this is my farewell. Please, stay safe and find happiness”

Merlin gave him a watery smile, hugging him tightly once again.

“I can’t thank you enough. Thank you for being such an awesome father figure. Sorry, I can’t repay you”

“You have done more than enough for me, Merlin. It’s time for you to be free, finally free”

They proceeded to cling onto each other as if their life depended on it and didn’t let go for a small eternity.

“I love you, Gaius. Please stay safe, as well”, Merlin said at last, before turning away and practically running out the door, so he wouldn’t look back and doubt everything, so he wouldn’t be tempted to stay.

“I love you, too, son”, Gaius whispered long after Merlin left, still staring at the door, immense sadness glooming over him and settling in his heart.

 

Merlin was lucky, Gwen was home for once. She looked at him confused, as he entered her home with red puffy eyes, silent tears still streaming down his face.

“Merlin, by the gods! What happened? Who is responsible for this?”, she exclaimed outraged.

“I don’t have enough time to explain everything to you, Gwen, I’m sorry. I have to leave Camelot and I won’t return for a rather long time, a few months at least”, he chattered very fast.

“What do you mean you’re leaving? Is it because of Arthur? Did you fight?” Gwen’s worrying gaze was too much for Merlin to handle, so he dropped his gaze to the floor.

“You could say so”, Merlin laughed sadly.

“Do you want me to speak to him? We can surely sort this out without you leaving, please” A glimpse of hope got caught in the serving girl’s eyes and Merlin felt terribly as he shook his head.

“No, Gwen. It’s not that easy this time. Arthur will surely tell you what happened and if he doesn’t want to tell, just say I want you to know. I just _can’t_ tell you what happened right now, please understand. I can’t afford to loose another friend today. I just came by to say farewell and.. see you later, it’s not goodbye forever”

“Oh, Merlin”

Gwen sighed and wrapped her arms around his waist.

“I don’t want you to leave. Who will I gossip with? Who will make me laugh everyday? Who will make this life bearable?” Merlin could make out from her voice that the girl in his arms was close to cry as well.

“Arthur will surely like to take over my role”, he said, trying to sound as witty as always, but it ended up sounding rather depressed.

“That’s not the same. He’s the _prince_ , I can’t possibly gossip about him _with him_ ”, she replied, now on the very edge to cry.

“Please don’t cry, Gwen. I promise you, I will come back to visit at least. I love you too much for that I could leave you behind forever”

“Well, fine… I want you to be happy and if that’s only possible outside of Camelot, so be it. But promise to take care of yourself, okay? And I will patiently wait for you to return. If you don’t come to see me right away, I’ll be terribly mad”

Another sad laugh left the warlock.

“I promise I will come to you right away, after I went to Gaius”

“I can live with that”

Merlin smiled at Gwen fondly. God, he will miss her.

“I still have to say goodbye to Morgana and maybe Sir Leon and I have only a little more than one hour left, so I need to leave now. I’m sorry, Guinevere, I will miss you”

“I will miss you, too, Idiot”

A sad smile decorated her beautiful face, Merlin felt like he wasn’t worth her sadness.

She kissed him on the cheek and hugged him one last time before pushing him out the door.

“Then go! Before I change my mind and force you to stay”

A last smile from both, then Merlin went off to find Morgana.

 

Saying farewell to Morgana was almost the same as to Gwen, only that Morgana actually started to cry a little, causing Merlin to feel even more guilty than he already had before.

On his way out of the castle he met Sir Leon and quickly said goodbye – no – see you later to him, as well, confusing the knight quite a lot.

He told them all the same: That if they want to know why he was leaving they’d need to ask Arthur and that this wasn’t goodbye, but rather see you soon, because he would come back to visit at least. He promised that to all of them and he’d rather die than break that promise.

 

Gaius held what he had promised, outside the castle walls a beautiful black steed waited for Merlin, all his belongings, some supplies and even small reminders of Camelot, as for one of Morgana’s rings, one of Gwen’s silk scarves and a small bottle filled with blue sand from Gaius, as well as a letter from him, were packed.

Merlin took a few moments to admire the horse, it has always been his favourite since he came to Camelot, Gaius had known that, and then another few moments to take a last intense glance at the great castle, before he climbed up on the horse and started riding out of Camelot without looking back once.

 

But as he rode off into the distance, he made another promise. The promise that if Camelot and everyone that lived there were in danger, he would do everything to protect them. That he would continue to do so until his death and that this wasn’t the end of his destiny. He promised to himself, quietly, that he would meet Arthur again and if necessary, protect him with his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the nice comments and many Kudos, they encourage me to continue writing a lot!!  
> I hope you liked this chapter as well, sorry that it's so sad!   
> I don't think the next chapter will be a lot happier, so sorry in advance!
> 
> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!  
> \- Saturning


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for that it's relatively short and maybe not so well - written!  
> I try to continue very soon! Enjoy!
> 
> -Saturning

“Good morning, Sire. It’s time to wake up.”

The annoying and just slightly familiar voice woke Arthur from his unpleasant slumber. 

The whole world came crashing down on him again as soon as he realized, that wasn’t Merlin’ s voice waking him up. His eyes fluttered open, suddenly awake  and aware of the situation.

“Why is Merlin not here?”, Arthur asked straightforwardly. 

“He left, didn’t he tell you? He asked me to be his replacement, only if you agree of course, my lord”, George, the new servant, replied politely.

“What do you mean he left? Like, left for good? Not-coming-back kind of left?”

“I believe so, my lord.”

“That’d be all for now then, you’re dismissed, George”, Arthur sighed heavily. 

“But Sire I haven’t even-”

“What about ‘you’re dismissed’ don’t you understand?”, he crankily said, glaring at the servant.

“I’m sorry, Sire. I’ll come back in a few hours and if you need me, I’ll be with the other servants.”

George quickly left, head bowed in sorrow. 

Arthur groaned. He couldn’t believe this was all real. That the night before hadn’t been a dream. Merlin was still a sorcerer. But most importantly, Merlin was still  _gone._

Arthur regretted not asking w h ether Merlin only left his job, or if he left whole Camelot, fleeing from Arthur in fear that he’d chop his head off,  if he caught him alive. 

Arthur tried to be angry at him. Tried to be mad, because he lied to Arthur, because he didn’t trust Arthur, because he feared Arthur, because he left Arthur and most importantly because he  _loved_ Arthur. 

But the truth was that he couldn’t. He understood why Merlin had been afraid. Why he left. And he missed him.

But he couldn’t stay in bed sulking, because of his  _manservant._ He was a prince and a prince shouldn’t feel like this just because his manservant left his job. Merlin was probably somewhere at Guinevere’s or locked into his own room, waiting until Arthur comes to apologize or something like that. But Arthur hadn’t done anything wrong, so he won’t apologize, but he may just go search for him to get him back to his senses, so he’ll return to his job. Arthur didn’t like to admit it, but he liked Merlin being his servant, although he was a clumsy, annoying idiot most of the time. He made being a prince, with all these duties and all this pressure, fun. He made it bearable. Everything was so serious and Merlin brought colour into this grey everyday life. He wanted that colour back,  no matter the sorcery. 

Trying to push the thoughts about Merlin to the side, he flicked his legs off the bed, breathed a few times in and out, before he felt mentally prepared to stand up and interact with other people.

He got dressed and left his room, heading for breakfast in the dining hall. 

Uther and Morgana threw him confused looks as he entered. 

“Arthur! What a pleasant surprise, you never attend breakfast with us usually, what did we do to be graced with your presence?”, Uther asked slyly. 

Morgana just quietly watched  as Arthur sat down across from her at the table. 

“Merlin didn’t bring me my breakfast this morning so I figured I might as well have it with my family”, Arthur plainly replied, avoiding the king’s gaze.

Morgana stared down at him even more, as if she was searching for a lie on his face or an answer to an important question.  Arthur felt uncomfortable being stared at so he dropped his gaze and focused on eating breakfast. Uther tried to start conversations the whole time they ate, but neither Morgana nor Arthur seemed to be in the mood to talk.  Together they left the hall after finishing the awkward breakfast, parting with Uther in the hallway. 

“Would you do me the favour and follow me to my chambers? There’s something I want to talk about with you and Gwen”, Morgana eventually said. Her voice sounded hoarse and sad, she didn’t look very well rested either, although she just recently praised the new sleeping draught Gaius’ made her, because it was working so well. 

“What do you want to talk about?”, Arthur asked, as if he didn’t already decide he’d go to her chambers. He wouldn’t dare to say no to her, especially when she looked like that. 

“It’s about Merlin”, was the short answer he received, that made him stop in his tracks abruptly. 

“I don’t want to talk about Merlin, unless it’s about his whereabouts. I definitely need to teach him a lesson regarding his job.”, he firmly stated.

“Oh, Arthur. Please stop acting like that. Merlin came to see us yesterday. Please come with me, we just have a few questions.”, Morgana pleaded to him, almost begged him to come with her. 

Arthur just grunted, but continued to follow her anyway,  he knew when the battle was lost, he had no chance to say no. 

As they entered her chambers, Gwen was already waiting for them. She quickly and politely bowed her head, before making Arthur and Morgana sit down on the bed, placing herself on a chair across them. 

“So, Arthur? What happened? Why did Merlin leave all of sudden? What happened between you?”, Gwen started, not even taking the time to breathe between sentences.

“First tell me where he is now. I meant it when I said I’d need to talk to him regarding his job”, Arthur replied reserved, careful not to let his real emotions slip.

“Didn’t he tell you? Or did you not listen? Arthur, Merlin left _Camelot._ He didn’t just quit his job, he left and won’t be back for a long time an it has to do with you. What did you do?”

“It was not my fault!”, the prince exclaimed defensively. A deep sigh left his mouth and he nervously folded his hands in his lap.

“Listen...”


	5. Chapter 5

Merlin’s first destination was Ealdor. It was just outside of Camelot and far away enough to be safe from it’s guards for now. It also had a few more advantages, one of them being of course that he could see his mother again and would be able to talk to someone about his misery. The other one was more thinking of hope than an actual fact.

Although Arthur was certainly an idiot, he wasn’t dumb. He knew that Merlin’s mother lived in Ealdor and if he was able to count two and two together, he’d know where to search for Merlin, if he wanted him back, that was.

It was already late, when Merlin arrived in the small familiar village, which he’d longed to see again for months already and now that he actually came around to visit, the reason destroyed the excitement he should have felt.

His hand was shaking slightly as he raised it to knock on the entrance to his childhood home. The door squeaked as it always had and opened, revealing the slim figure of his beloved mother.

“Hey, Mum.”

“Merlin!”, she exclaimed and instantly embraced him into a tight hug.

“I’ve missed you so much! What brought you here, dear? Did you come alone? Doesn’t Arthur need you?”

Promptly as she mentioned the prince’s name, tears rushed into his eyes.

“He doesn’t anymore”, he answered weakly. Hunith’s expression fell from excited and happy to worried.

“Oh, no, no, dear. Come in, then you can tell me everything that happened with a cup of tea, okay?”

“That would be great, thank you, Mum”, Merlin replied hoarsely. Hunith cleared the way and the warlock stepped inside.

Shortly after he sat on one of the chairs at the kitchen table, quietly sipping his tea and desperately trying sort out his mind in order to explain what happened to his mother without bursting into tears.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it right away”, Hunith noted, shooting him a worried look.

“No”, Merlin breathed, shaking his head, “I want to, I just don’t know where to start.”

“Maybe start why Arthur doesn’t need you anymore?”, she suggested. With her own cup of tea, she sat down across from him, taking his hand in hers and smiled encouragingly. Her thumb caressed the back of his hand, making Merlin calm down a bit. He took a deep breath and forced the sadness aside, crying wasn’t an option.

“Because I don’t work for him anymore.”

“Did he fire you?”

“No, I- I left. Because- because Arthur knows.”

“Knows what, dear?”

“He- He knows that- that I-”, Merlin stopped talking and sucked in a sharp breath. Not crying was a more difficult task then he’d imagined. Images started flooding his mind, lots and lots of memories. They started out good and grew worse with every new image. At last it was just Arthur angrily shouting. Shouting at Merlin because of his magic. And then it was him, pale and lacking of any emotions at all, as Merlin told him he loved him. And Merlin hold his breath, eyes forced shut, trying to keep his emotions at bay.

Hunith waited patiently for her son to continue, as she saw that it was hard for him, but too important to wait until tomorrow.

“Before I can tell you, you should know that I don’t, well, don’t like women. I prefer men”, Merlin confessed eventually. Hunith smiled and squeezed his hand.

“Oh, honey. I would lie if I’d say I haven’t known”, she replied, amused by Merlin’s sudden change of expression from sad to shocked.

“You knew? How? Was- Was it that obvious? I mean, I haven’t known for too long now myself-”

“Merlin, I have known since you came here to save us from Kanen. You like Arthur, don’t you? It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I – I know it isn’t”, the boy responded quietly. His gaze dropped and he found himself staring at his cup of tea.

“But you’re right. It’s… It’s Arthur.”

“Did you leave him, because of this? Did you tell him and he declined you?”, she asked sympathetically.

“Not exactly, I mean I did tell him, after-”

He had to stop once more, the lump in his throat was too big again. He gulped it down and met his mother’s eyes.

“After I told him, that I’m a sorcerer.”

Hunith held her breath for a few seconds.

Eventually she asked the burning question, the one that would decide if she was to hate Arthur from now on, or not.

“Didn’t he accept it? Did he want to have you killed, because of your magic?”

“He- he was angry at first, demanded a prove and accused me of plotting to kill him all along afterwards. Impulsively I told him he’s gone mad, that I wouldn’t dare hurt him and told him that I’ve been protecting him from any harm, because it’s my destiny and because- because- ‘cause I love him. He said nothing after that and I- I left. I told him that I’m not evil, that I’m proud of my magic and that I only ever tried to protect everyone. I told him goodbye.” Although his voice and body shook tremendously, he didn’t break eye contact with Hunith and she couldn’t help but admire her son’s strength.

“Are the guards searching for you?”, she asked concerned. If they were, they had to be very careful. They knew Merlin used to live in Ealdor with her, surely they would send guards down here.

“I don’t know. I’ve only stayed in Camelot for two and a half hours after I left his chambers. It didn’t seem like they were searching for me then, but maybe I just didn’t notice or Arthur didn’t tell them yet, but has now. I don’t know.”

“Then we need to be careful in case they show up. Though, do you think he would actually tell someone?”

“I mean, he accused me of wanting to kill him. He thinks I’m an entirely different person now that he knows of my magic. And his father trained him to hate sorcery. It’s quite possible.”

Eventually Merlin dropped his gaze again, his voice no louder than mumbles.

“But”, Hunith suggested, “couldn’t it be, that Arthur said that out of shock? He just found out you lied to him, of course for your own sake and his as well, but he may not understand that at first. And it’s such a big part of you, it changes a lot and he was confused and surprised, maybe he didn’t mean it. You mean more to him than you think, have some faith in your friendship.”

“Can you really call it that? Especially now that he knows I’ve loved him? And lied to him?”

Again Merlin teared up while staring into the dark liquid his cup contained.

“I’ve met Arthur only once, but he seemed like a noble man, that wouldn’t have people killed for protecting others or simply for who they are. And he appeared to like you, Merlin. Maybe he’ll come by to get you back.”

“I don’t-”, Merlin started, but thought better than to continue. He just sighed heavily and croaked a “yeah, maybe he will” out.

Hunith stood up and hugged him tightly, a sad smile on her face.

They didn’t talk about Arthur anymore after that for the rest of the evening. Hunith told him the gossip going around in Ealdor and what happened, while he had been gone. The only thing regarding the incident they talked about was how long Merlin would stay. They agreed on two weeks, less if guards showed up to search for him.

 

Four days later a letter arrived in Ealdor, addressed at Merlin. It was from Gaius.

 

_Merlin,_

_I hope my assumption, that you will ride to Ealdor and stay with your mother for a while, was right and that this letter will be delivered to you._

_Gwen, Morgana, Sir Leon and I miss you quite a lot, many people asked us about you. We told them all that there was an incident regarding your family and that you had to leave because of it. They seemed to know, by the way. Morgana, Gwen and Sir Leon, that is, but they don’t hate you or think less of you._

_Arthur didn’t alarm the king, the knights or the guards. He probably told Morgana, Gwen and Leon the truth, but the rest has no idea._

_He also seems different. He shows less emotions and whenever I try to talk to him, he makes up excuses to leave. I don’t know what’s going on in his mind._

_I hope you are safe and well and will come to visit us soon. You are very missed._

_Sincerely, Gaius_

 

Merlin reread the letter over and over, trying to make sense of Arthur’s actions, but in the end he couldn’t and everything he could do was to wait. And that’s what he continued to do. Live in Ealdor and wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Yay! I'm sorry that everything is so depressing and maybe a little boring, but that's just how it be sometimes haha  
> I hope you enjoyed it anyway! I did have fun writing some sweet mother-son convos for once :)
> 
> Kudos and comments would mean a loot to me!  
> Thanks for reading and sticking around!  
> \- Saturning


	6. Chapter 6

“Yes, we are all ears.”

Arthur shifted uncomfortably under the women’s stares. He felt strangely exposed, although even if he was going to talk, it would be Merlin being exposed, not him at all. It shouldn’t affect him as much as it did. He shouldn’t care whether other people knew or accepted it. But he really did, because what if Morgana and Gwen started to hate Merlin because of this? Who was Arthur going to talk to about his confusing thoughts and anger and sadness and frustration? No one would be left, except maybe Gaius. But considering Merlin was like a son to him, Gaius probably wasn’t very keen to comfort the prince, the prince who caused his almost-son to leave in the first place.

And that’s when he realized all of sudden, this was how Merlin must have felt. Probably even worse as he not only had to fear to be left alone by his few friends, but to be killed, burned alive. His hollow screams being the last the world hears of him. What a nightmare.

“I repeat, we are listening”, Morgana interrupted his thoughts. Arthur startled, needing a few seconds to remember what he was going to tell them. A cold shiver ran down his back as he recalled the events. He didn’t want Merlin’s only friends to hate him.

“I’m not quite sure whether I’m in the right position to tell you this. It’s rather… secret”, he eventually says without looking up from his hands, which he had stared at for the last couple of minutes already, wishing they would just drop the topic now.

“Oh, Merlin told me you might say that. He also said, that he wants us to know, which probably means he’s okay with us knowing his secrets”, Gwen interjected, resting his head in one of her hands.

“But you can’t hate him”, Arthur shot out faster than he thought about it. The girls gave him a perplex look.

“There’s very few Merlin could do for us to hate him, Arthur. Right now you seem to be the bad person in the story”, Morgana stated.

“I am not!”, Arthur protested instantly and quickly but quietly added, “but neither is he.”

“Then out with it! Stop babbling and _get to_ _the story_ _._ ”

“Fine! Stop pressuring me, damn Morgana.”

Arthur took a deep breath and started to rehearse what happened the day before in his mind once again, before he trusted himself to talk about it out loud.

“Merlin didn’t behave like himself yesterday, he was tired and polite, not up to our usual banter at all. I asked him what’s wrong and that I’ve never seen this kind of tired from him before, although I did see him a lot after nights in the tavern. We had a short argument about whether we know each other in and out… I-I really thought I knew him whole...”

“Oh Arthur, what did he tell you?”, Gwen asked as she laid a comforting hand on his back. Sadness rolled over the princes body as he thought back to that moment. If he could just go back and change how he reacted. Maybe Merlin would still be here if his reaction had been different.

“He told me the truth. About the tavern and about me being alive, that is. It’s because of him. He told me he’s a sorcerer.”

That was it. He spoke the dooming words. The words he wished weren’t true, but at the same time was so lucky they were.

“Our Merlin? A sorcerer? Our clumsy, helpless Merlin?”, Morgana asked dumbfounded.

“Not so helpless after all”, Arthur replied, a tiny smile washed over his face.

“Well that is indeed… surprising”, Gwen noted, biting on her lower lip once again, but her hand remained on Arthur's back nevertheless.

Arthur nodded simply and started to tell them everything Merlin said to him back then. Now that he started to talk about it, he couldn’t stop. He didn’t have to deal with problems and thoughts alone for a long time until now, he always had Morgana and Gwen and Sir Leon and Gaius and most importantly Merlin to talk to, so now that he had to keep them secret for more than a day, he couldn’t help but to talk. It was already pretty overwhelming. The women didn’t talk at all while he ranted, just listened carefully, soaking up every word.

“How did you react?”, Morgana eventually asked breathless.

“I- Well, I was very angry and disappointed, but can you blame me? He lied to my face for years, hid his biggest secret from me, while he knew everything about me! I accused him of plotting to kill me-”

Morgana opened her mouth to talk but Arthur interrupted her before she even had the chance to speak.

“I know _now_ that was stupid. Well, he replied with a counter question, asking me if I had gone mad. That he would never harm Camelot or me, that magic isn’t evil, that _he’s_ not evil and that him protecting me was due to his destiny and his… well, his- his-”, he couldn’t bear to say it. The words got stuck in his throat and wouldn’t come out, no matter what he did. Those words had a deeper meaning, which he had yet to understand. However, he didn’t need to say it. Gwen seemed to know already.

“Love for you?”, she suggested, but it was more of an answer than a question.

Arthur finally looked up and meet her eyes.

“Yes”, he croaked out. His voice was hoarse as he continued, but the words wouldn’t stop.

“After that he left. He didn’t intend to tell me, that much was obvious. He- I was speechless, I didn’t know what to say, to do, to think or to feel. But I remember his last words clearly. He told me I ran out of luck, even though the luck was never on my side. He told me he had been my luck, but his patience ended, it hurt too much to live on with those secrets and lies. He told me Goodbye. The last thing he said was my name. I didn’t know he meant goodbye forever.”

The last sentence was no more than a whisper, but the girls understood, for that the room was so silent, except for Arthur's voice, one would be able to hear a mouse running over the floor.

“And what are you planning to do now?”, the maid broke the silence after some moments of letting the words sink in.

“I don’t know. Maybe he’ll come back”, Arthur told, straightening his back again, trying to regain his royal glamour. “Nonetheless he lied to me. So if you were thinking I’m going to search for him and get him back, I will not. Leaving was his own choice and fault. I won’t interfere with his decisions.”

“But are you going to tell the knights and the guards? Are going to tell _Uther_?”, Morgana interjected.

“I’m not a monster and I’m not ungrateful, for that he saved my life. Of course I won’t tell them. As far as Uther will know, he just left. Gaius probably knows more about the reasons. So if you are going to excuse me now, I have to attend princely duties.”

Once more the blonde man had set up his walls, his royal personality and work character, to secure his thoughts and feelings inside of him. He only allowed to let emotions seep through his words as he spoke his last sentences before leaving Morgana’s chambers.

“I would be grateful, if you’d tell Leon what happened, the full truth. He deserves to know, he was Merlin's friend as well as he is mine, but I… I can’t do this conversation again. Just _can’t._ Thank you.”

And thus he turned and left, leaving both women behind with all these new informations, hoping they hadn’t noticed the tears in his eyes and the silent sob leaving his mouth as he walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are again! Thank you for all your kind comments!! They are very motivating!! I love writing this story a lot and all the love I get from you guys just makes it even better. Thank you so much!  
> I try to update as soon as I can, but school is a bitch so I will have to see.
> 
> Comments and Kudos would be great as always!!  
> Love all of you!  
> \- Saturning


	7. Chapter 7

Two weeks. Enough time to be found, to be brought back. Enough time to realize, to think.

Two weeks, gone by so quick and too slow at the same time.

Two weeks of hope and sadness.

Two weeks were now gone and Merlin’s hopes were crushed. No one came to bring him back to Camelot, but neither did someone come to kill him or arrest him, because of magic or treason. There were no more letters. There had been nothing.

Two weeks had gone by and Arthur didn’t want Merlin back.

Merlin wasn’t mad. Maybe a little disappointed, but at least Arthur seemed to stay the noble and fair man he always has. Not having Merlin killed was probably his way of saying thank you for saving him.

Merlin should be infinitely thankful, however he couldn’t help but feel incredibly betrayed. How could Arthur just accept Merlin’s absence like that? After all they have gone through? On the other hand, Arthur didn’t even want to agree that they’re friends, or at least were. Maybe they haven’t been? Maybe Merlin only imagined that? Maybe Merlin wanted to be Arthur's friend so bad, that he made all that up? Still, whatever it had been, Arthur just threw it away. If it’s because of his magic or love, Merlin can’t say.

It didn’t matter anymore. The two weeks Hunith and he agreed on have expired. It was time to leave and live. Live a different live, far apart from what he had known. Far away from Camelot. Alone.

“Do you have everything?”, Hunith worried, checking her son over and over again.

“Yes, Mum. I have everything with me and I will be just fine. Arthur made it clear, he doesn’t want me back. He doesn’t want me to be in Camelot, so I will do him the favour and not return. I promise to write you letters and visit soon. I will be just fine. I am powerful and can protect myself just fine. It’s fine. All your questions answered?”

Merlin fondly smiled and took her hands in his own.

“Are you really okay? Emotionally?”

He sighed and let the smile vanish for a second, but put it back just a moment later.

“I will be. I won’t lie, I am not okay right now, but give me some time away from everything and I will be. I’ll get over him in no time, you’ll see. So, I will leave now, yes? Or is there anything else?”

Hunith smiled and embraced her son into a tight hug, giving him a goodbye kiss on the forehead.

“No there is nothing else. I’m very proud of you. You will be fine. Stay safe.”

“I will. Thank you, Mum.”

Thus, Merlin sat up on his horse and quickly rode off to new lands, leaving Ealdor behind.

Never did he ride in this direction. Sadness was still glooming over him, like a great nightmare you had the night before, but the excitement put it in the shadows and pressed it to the back of his head, like the sun does with the scary thoughts. They’d come out soon enough.

 

Turns out, Merlin wasn’t going to be alone for long. Just three days after his lonesome journey began, he met someone.

Merlin almost wanted to punch himself for he didn’t think of this possibility at all. The person he met was his good old friend, short-time crush and kind of partner in crime: Gwaine.

The warlock had been visiting another small village, a two days ride from Ealdor. It had a neat little market which he visited, chatting with friendly villagers here and there, having some peaceful time in general. Of course it was suspicious that nothing had happened yet, no problems whatsoever.

So naturally, as Merlin calmly walked down one of the paths, there was a loud shattering noise and a body landed right in front of his feet. The man grunted audibly and Merlin was just able to duck out of the way before being stabbed by a flying knife.

“Fucking hell”, Merlin exclaimed and looked through the window trying to make out the source of the knife. His eyes quickly trailed from one body to another and eventually came to a halt. His gaze was fixed on a man with a scruffy beard and semi long hair. Merlin would be able to recognize that face everywhere.

“Gwaine!”, he called out, eyes widened and a big smile broke out on his face.

The man’s eyes flickered up and as soon as he caught sight of the raven haired boy, he grinned from one ear to another, eyes lighting up as well.

“Merlin!!”, he screamed, as he dodged a punch thrown by one of the big guys, he seemed to have fight with. A typical Gwaine situation.

Merlin climbed through the window faster than he thought about it and embraced Gwaine into a hug even faster. He was just so happy to see him.

So naturally, as they parted, Merlin was absolutely down to fight anyone daring to come near his friend.

“I’m so glad you are here. Those would have kicked my ass quite badly if it was for me alone to fight them”, Gwaine shouted amused, as they stood back to back, looking at the superior number of attackers.  
“Although now I’m mildly scared that I got you into trouble as well”, he added, less happy. Merlin laughed and replied, grinning to himself:

“Oh don’t be. I’m by far one of the best fighters you will ever see. I could take Arthur out, you know, _with less than a blow_.”

“Did both of Arthur’s arms got chopped off or why is that? You know I like you, but I’ve seen both of you fight and-”  
“Oh shut up and watch!”, Merlin interrupted.

The large guy to his right looked as if he had enough now and proceeded to attack the boys, however he didn’t take two steps before being thrown to the other end of the room. A loud thud was audible as he hit the wall and fell to the ground and the gold slowly faded out of Merlin’s eyes.

“Holy fucking hell Merlin! Well that certainly is useful!”, Gwaine cheered, causing the smile on the magicians face to widen even more. Of course Gwaine accepted it, that’s just how he was. He’d never hate on Merlin, would never hurt him in any way. Gwaine was a true friend.

“I know”, he just laughed and continued to fight off the men with his magic, which was really easy now that he didn’t have to hide it. He was out of Camelot. He didn’t need to follow any rules and if someone tried to arrest him, he would just flee, fight them off, or Gwaine would protect him. Either way, he was finally free to do whatever he wanted.

It took them only few more minutes to finish the fight and get out of the tavern without a scratch. They still fled to the horses quickly and left the village just moments later.

They only slowed down as the village wasn’t in sight anymore. Still laughing, they continued to lazily ride down the path to wherever.

“That was _incredible!_ ”, Gwaine said as he finally calmed down, wiping tears of joy out of his eyes.

“Thank you”, the warlock replied sheepishly. He’d lie if he said he wasn’t a little flustered.

“So how come you are out of Camelot without your great idiot lord?”

“Arthur is your friend, too, you mustn’t be that mean. He’s also the crown prince.”

“I know, that’s why I politely called him a _great_ idiot _lord_. So what’s the news?”

Merlin sighed, feeling the happiness being sucked out of him, as he thought about his reasons.

But Gwaine didn’t deserve to be lied to. Briefly Merlin told Gwaine what happened, answering every question the man asked, so in the end he knew every detail.

“I feel that I am now very much allowed to say, what a royal ass! _But_ at least that caused our reunion and if you agree, I will not leave your side again. I missed you clumsy idiot, ya know.”

Merlin smiled fondly at the man on the horse next to him.

“Thank you Gwaine, you really are a great friend. I would love to continue to travel with you, being alone sucks anyway.”

“You know I have one more question, as you mention sucking-”

“GWAINE NO!”

“Sorry sorry, you are right, your gayness is none of my business.” Gwaine grinned wide, watching Merlin turning deep red, even his ears were glowing.

“Damn right it’s not.”, he mumbled into his neckerchief, eyes locked on the ground in front of him to avoid Gwaine’s looks.

“Well, if it calms you down, my question was regarding _who,_ not _how,_ don’t need to ask about the how. Know how that works.”

“ _What_ ”, Merlin asks, mouth dropping open in surprise.

“M’ not straight, thought so much was obvious?”

“ _W h a t._ ”

“Oh Merlin, it does make a lot more sense now. You really have a terrible gaydar. How could you overlook my _blatant_ flirting?”

“ _Flirting? Are you shitting me?”_

“Oh dear”, Gwaine laughed and shook his head, ignoring Merlin’s many questions, as he just continued to ride down the path.

“Gwaine! _What the fuck answer me!_ ”

But he didn’t. Just smiled amused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the kind words!! I don't deserve that oh my god  
> Here's the new chapter! I hope you like and enjoy it!
> 
> Comments and Kudos would be really really appreciated! (Of course also criticism)  
> -Saturning


	8. Chapter 8

One month. That’s how long it took to convince Arthur. Merlin wasn’t coming back. He was gone and not coming back. And Arthur hated it.

One month had gone by and Arthur hadn’t smiled a real smile. Not even once. The fake ones he put up in front of his father and the court weren’t comparable to the happy and lively smiles he had shown when Merlin had been there.

“Come on Arthur”, Gwen told him eventually, “I know you miss him. We all do. But it won’t get better just by being miserable. Either you take action and find and return Merlin or you stop your tragedy and pull yourself together. There is either fighting for or getting over him.”

Arthur grunted and rolled his eyes heavily.

“I am fine, Guinevere, and this is not about Merlin. This isn’t about anyone, because it’s non-existent. But even if it was about Merlin – which it obviously is not – I would not go and find him. He lied to me. I don’t know what else he might have lied about. Maybe he’s not even sorcerer and it was just a trick to leave me and Camelot. I certainly can’t know. Nothing makes sense”, he replied, arms crossed in front of his chest.

“To be honest, it makes a lot of sense to me. Everything does. All the magical beasts you defeated and, or killed… they usually could have only been killed with magic, but somehow you did it anyway. All the assassins and sorcerers you fought off, it should have been impossible! By the gods, he most certainly _actually_ healed my father back then!”, Gwen insisted. Her eyes pierced right through him and as she stood there, her hands on her hips, she reminded the prince of an angry and worried mother. She probably felt like one as well.

“But why did he keep it secret if he only did good things with it? Why did he keep it secret from me, when all he did was to protect me? So he must have been, must be, evil and it was all some kind of… plan!”, he again argued back.

“Oh if you could just hear yourself. Arthur, you sound ridiculous. You know exactly why Merlin didn’t tell you. Because not only did he tell you his reasons in person, but also because of the laws. He must have been scared to his very core everyday to be discovered and killed, but he used his magic to do good anyways. What does _that_ say about him?”

“Oh I hate when you make such smart and witty comments. I really thought you’d be more encouraging for me to just forget it, I mean, we almost dated for like half a year or so!”

Gwen sighed and shook her head in amusement, as she looked at Arthur pouting like a little child.

“Yes and you know why that is? Only almost?”, she asked, soft eyes locked on his face.

“Because we both were held back by our feelings for different people. At least I’ve known who my heart truly belongs to, unlike you, who seems to understand so only when his chance has passed.”

“You still like Lancelot, right?”, Arthur asked in a whisper tone. “I mean, he’s not here either.”  
“I do. And I believe one day, he’ll come back and be part of Camelot again, it’s what he deserves.”

“It sure is.”

“But I don’t know about Merlin. I mean he _did_ promise me to come back for a visit. But you? Arthur I’m scared you might have fucked up really bad.” She tilted her head to the side, a pitied look decorated her face.

“How should I have known that he’s just going to run away instantly?” Arthur’s unbearable need to defend himself was once again stronger than his logic.

“That’s not what I meant. Both of you overreacted that day, that much is fact. But even after two weeks of Merlin obviously not coming back, you have made no move, no sign, to search for him. Not even to contact or reach out to him. What do you think Merlin feels like being treated like you don’t care? What he must think now?”

“What do you mean what _he_ thinks now? Doesn’t anyone care about me?”

“Don’t be so selfish! Of course we do, that’s why I’m talking to you! We will resolve your problems, but for that, I need an answer.”

“I don’t know! Okay, I don’t know and I don’t _want_ to know, it’s… tempting.”

“Look, what would you think if you ran away after confessing your love to your significant other, and then that person doesn’t reach out to you at all? No letters, no talking, nothing. You are gone and they have done nothing about it. What would you think?”

There were a few moments of silence. It filled the air, his lungs and his head. And made his heart beat faster and him anxious.

“I’d think they hate me. That leaving was the best decision, because that person clearly doesn’t want me back in their life.”, he breathed quietly, his gaze dropped to the floor as the sudden realization hit him, like a lightening bolt an innocent tree.

“Oh god he must hate me.” His eyes threatened to tear up, but he wouldn’t dare cry in front of another person, as literally nothing happened to excuse this.

“I don’t think he does, I don’t he _can”,_ Gwen interjects. _“_ But if I was you, I’d do something about it soon. Or else he might… don’t want to come back or get over you.”

Arthur sighed and buried his face in his hands for a few seconds.

They stood quietly again until the prince nodded.

“You are right.”, he admitted.

“What really?”

“Yes, I can’t even stand to hear myself talking anymore. My sleep schedule is non existent and if I continue like this, whole Camelot will suffer soon. I need to have this sorted out. I need certainty.”

Gwen smiled brightly and gave him an encouraging pat on the shoulder.

“Sounds great. You want me to come with you? Need anything?”

“No I think it’s better if I do that on my own.”

“Yes of course.”

“I will leave today. I need to do this as early as possible. Would you tell Morgana and Leon? They have to cover for me while I’m gone.”

“Will do. Please excuse my curiosity, but do you admit it now?”

“Admit what?” Arthur frowned.

“Merlin _was_ the reason you have been miserable. And it’s because you _like_ him as well, isn’t it?”

“Don’t make me say it.”

“Make you say what?”, Gwen responded, acting like she didn’t know what Arthur was talking about, like the witty woman she was.

“You know what I mean.”

“Sorry, no idea.”

“Ugh, _fine, yes it’s because I like that idiot sorcerer”,_ the prince finally muttered contritely through gritted teeth.

“Awe, I knew it!”

“Then why would you make me say it?”

“Because it’s fun and I deserve a little fun after having to deal with miserable you for a month.”

“Fair enough.”

“So, I’m going to leave you now, so you can prepare yourself, yes? I will make sure Morgana and Leon know. What are you going to tell Uther?”

“I will tell him that I want to visit outer villages to make sure everything is fine.”

“Right, sounds perfect. Then I will leave now, good luck, Arthur. I hope you’ll bring Merlin back. You both deserve it, and we all miss him.”

A soft smile and then she turned around to leave, but before she even reached the door, Arthur held her back.

“Uhm, you don’t have an idea where Merlin could be, do you?”

“Perhaps, I’d assume he’s gone back to Ealdor, as his mother lives there and it’s his hometown outside of Camelot”, she suggested, causing Arthur to slap his hand on his forehead.

“Of course! Yes, thank you, you may go now.”

“How noble of you, Sire.”

She bowed her head quickly, grinning and then left, closing the door of the prince’s chambers behind her, leaving him alone with his racing thoughts.

He’s going to find Merlin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So today is the 10th year anniversary to the first episode of Merlin... wow I can't believe it's been so long. God this makes me so emotional. I love the show and the whole cast so much. Ow my heart. I want new episodes...
> 
> Well anyway so here's a new chapter! Hope you like it and have a great day!!  
> Kudos and Commetns are greatly appreciated as always  
> \- Saturning


	9. Chapter 9

“Were you serious?”

Merlin looked at Gwaine, seeking for an answer, as if it was written on his face in bright blue ink. Gwaine looked back at him with a neutral expression, careful to not make a wrong move. The fire they sat by made his face glow in a handsome way. Not that he wasn’t handsome in normal lightening, he was very much indeed.

“You mean what I said about being not straight?”, he asked, no obvious emotion audible.

“I meant the flirting.”

Not once did his eyes move. As if he had to memorize every single one of Gwaine’s features, as if he expected him to disappear into thin air any moment.

“What if I was? Would it change something?”

“Not really. It’s just… I have been asking myself if I have been a fool. I have been helplessly pining for Arthur these past years, watched him flirt with women all the time, that I forgot how it feels to like other people without feeling hurt. And when you came, so flirtatious as well but _new,_ well, I did have a little crush on you, too. And it felt so refreshing, so pure and nice for once. And now you told me you might have been flirting with me and I just ask myself if I was an idiot to still focus on Arthur all this time. You know, I actually considered to go with you when you left, but I didn’t because of him.”

Gwaine watched him cautiously. As the sun went down and the world turned dark, so did Merlin’s thoughts. He appeared like his own shadow, only seeing dark and bad. He was so insecure all of sudden.

“I did flirt with you, Merlin, but you aren’t an idiot. You may have liked me, but I know you liked or still like Arthur more. And you weren’t wrong to stay. In Camelot you had other family, like Gwen and Morgana and Gaius. And you had to protect Arthur. Although he is an ass, he _is_ the future king of Camelot and he needed you.”

“Even if he did. He doesn’t anymore. He was alive before I came and he can be alive after I leave. He probably doesn’t care about it. I hate feelings, Gwaine.”

“I think he cares, he just can’t admit it. He likes you.”

“Great. He can tolerate his servant. Doesn’t make the aching in my chest to hurt less”, Merlin commented crankily. Gwaine laughed a little.

“Forget it, feelings are shit.”

After a while, Merlin sighed and stood up from the ground and put on his green robes.

“I’m going to go for a walk and practice some magic or something, I need some space, okay?”, he said and walked away after acknowledging Gwaine’s approving nod.

Merlin practised small magic tricks only as he walked around, like little snowflakes falling out of his hands and things like that.

He only came to a halt, as his trailing eyes stopped on a body laying on the ground in the middle of the woods. The person was sleeping and Merlin didn’t intend to wake them, so he turned on his heels instantly to walk away unnoticed again, but failed miserably, as he immediately stepped on a small branch, which of course broke very loudly.

Merlin’s body tensed up. He could hear the person jerking awake and the sound of a sword being picked up.

“Who’s there?”, the manly voice asked loudly. _Oh hell._

He would recognize that voice anywhere, although not having heard it for weeks. _Arthur fucking Pendragon._

“Show yourself!”, the prince shouted and Merlin already knew how Arthur must look like in this very moment. Sword drawn, wide awake on both feet, ready to fight and to kill, if necessary.

Merlin considered the possibilities. Running wasn’t an option – it would just cause Arthur to run after him and make it worse. Using magic right away wasn’t a very good idea either – he could harm Arthur accidentally. So the only acceptable – but still horrible – option was to turn around and face him. Maybe use calm sleeping magic afterwards.

Very slowly, the warlock turned around, pushing the hood off his head. Right as Arthur realized who was standing in front of him, he dropped the sword to his feet.

“Merlin?”, he asked in disbelief.

“Oh my god is it really you?”

As he didn’t trust his voice to sound firm and clear, he just nodded, not very confident either, though.

“I’ve been searching for you.” Arthur spoke as if he was out of breath from just watching his used-to-be-manservant and took a few steps closer to him.

“No, you haven’t”, Merlin stated, but doubt was written in his eyes.

“You can’t. I’ve finally come to peace with it. I’ve been almost over you!”

“Merlin, please listen. I have made a mistake.”

“I am making this up.”

“I should have come earlier.”

“This isn’t real.”

“Merlin, I have missed you! Please, let me at least talk to you. I need you back in Camelot.”

“You are _lying._ You probably just need me to come back, so you can execute me! No no no, I will not do that. Not happening. I can’t go back to constantly hiding who I am. I am finally free to use my magic anytime and love who I want.”

“Have you changed your mind?”, Arthur suddenly asked, completely off topic.

“What?”

“About me. Have you changed your mind?”

“No! N-No it’s not that easy, dollophead! Love doesn’t just disappear after _years._ ”

“Merlin?” This time it wasn’t Arthur calling out his name, it was Gwaine. Merlin whirled around.

“Is that… Gwaine?”, Arthur asked confused, just as the man stepped through some bushes and came into eyesight.

Merlin reacted quickly. He stepped close to Arthur, put his hands on the man’s temples and mumbled a quick spell.

“What?”, the prince managed to ask weakly, before collapsing to the ground, sleeping.

“Merlin, I heard voices, is everything- Is that _Arthur?_ ”

Gwaine stared at the lifeless body of the crown prince.

“He looks _dead._ Did you kill him Merlin?”

“Of course not! He’s… very asleep.”

For a moment, Gwaine looked between the warlock and the crown prince, frowning.

“Why is he here?”, he then proceeded to ask.

“I don’t know. He said he searched for me, but I don’t believe that.”, Merlin replied truthfully.

“And that’s all? Why don’t you believe it?”

“Gwaine _please_ why would he search for me?”

“And my first question?”

“No it wasn’t all”, he muttered almost silent, looking purposely away.

“I’ll tell you after we get him back to his sleeping place over there, okay? Maybe he’ll think it was just a dream.”

Gwaine grunted, but nodded in agreement, picking the prince up with ease.

Merlin couldn’t help but stare at Arthur for a few moments, as his friend put him down again.

“He said he missed me and wanted me to come back to Camelot. He asked me if I changed my mind over him and my feelings for him. Fuck, Gwaine, I’m not over him.”

Tears welled up in his eyes, whilst fixing his gaze on Gwaine again.

“Why didn’t you agree?”, Gwaine asked.

“I couldn’t. I can’t believe him, I’m not ready to get hurt on the daily again. And I don’t want to leave you.”

“I don’t think he lied, but if you don’t want to go back, you don’t have to of course. I like having you around, but I don’t want to be the reason that keeps you from happiness.”

“You aren’t! Just understand, maybe I will go back in some time, but not now. Let’s just… leave now, please.”

“Yes, okay, of course.”

So they left sleeping Arthur on the forest ground, hoping he’d forget their encounter, although Merlin certainly wouldn’t forget. He will be thinking about the spoken words for many nights to come, because other people occupy it in the day. One of them he didn’t know that he was going to yet, because they met him a few days after their meet up with the prince. Merlin couldn’t believe his luck to find a second old friend of his by accident, but he was infinitely grateful for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day!!! See this as my present for the 10 year anniversary :)  
> Who do you think it is they'll meet?? I'm kinda excited for y'all to find out hehe hope it won't disappoint you.
> 
> Hope you liked the chapter! Comments and Kudos would be great! I'd also be very grateful if you'd look at my other stories!  
> \- Saturning


	10. Chapter 10

Nervously Arthur knocked on the low wooden door he knew belonged to Merlin’s childhood home. A few moments nothing happened and he feared already, that he’d have to search for Hunith and Merlin himself in the village. The village wasn’t big, but it would still take too much time.

Then the door opened with a fairly loud squeaking sound and Hunith’ slim figure appeared in the doorway. Her jaw dropped immediately and she looked as if she wanted to close the door again instantly.

“Hello, Hunith”, Arthur started, smiling as gentle and real as he could manage.

“Arthur? Is that really you? Why are you here?”, she asked. Her disbelief was clear, she didn’t expect him to come at all. Maybe Merlin wasn’t here? Maybe she didn’t know what happened?

“Yes, it’s me and I am here, because I’m searching for Merlin. Do you know where he is, by chance?”

“Oh you _bastard!_ ”, she exclaimed suddenly, gasping in horror of what she just said directly after. She didn’t excuse herself, though.

Arthur startled.

“Uh, what? Have I done something?”, he asked, the confusion written all over his face. He expected an answer like ‘you lost him??’ or ‘my son is missing?’ or something else a distressed mother would say after being asked where her son is. But her answer surprised him.

“You just _had_ to wait a _whole month,_ didn’t you? He thinks you hate him! _I_ thought you hate him! What is it with you royal idiot that you waited this long to look for him?”

Any emotion fell from Arthur’s body and the only thing left was horror, sadness and emptiness.

“He thinks I hate him?”

“Worse. He waited two whole weeks for any sign of you. He hoped you’d at _least_ write a letter or send guards to tell him he’s banished or to arrest him. But you did nothing. He thinks he never meant anything to you, as you didn’t worry about him being just gone. He thinks you just didn’t care, never did.”

“Just because I didn’t have him killed?”

“Because he expected to be killed out of anger. He thought you’d be angry because he lied to you. But now it just seemed as if he meant so little to you, that you didn’t even bother having him arrested.”

“That’s not true! I didn’t reach out to him _because_ I was angry!”

“For one month? What did you expect? That Merlin will wait here forever until you come to your senses and realize your mistake?” Hunith crossed her arms above her chest, not very convinced of Arthur’s excuses.

“No- I mean, I hoped he would. After all he _did_ say he loves me.”

“That’s why he went away! He wanted to get away from everything so he can get over you and so you both get to live a happy life.”

Arthur shook his head in horror. His hands were slightly trembling, he didn’t know where to put them. Didn’t know where to put himself and his mind.

“My life is not happy without him”, he realized in terror.

“Neither is his. But you made a huge mistake, waiting so long”, her voice changed, she sounded soft and worried now. He could feel her gentle watch.

“I know that Merlin loves you, he really does, but you hurt him. Long ago it started and you only deepened that wound, now you may have even broken the bone. I don’t know if he can forgive you for this, but I truly hope so, because both of you deserve happiness and I know you could give this happiness to each other. But maybe that’s not enough to heal him. Maybe he’s over you.”

“No, no, no. I can’t have that happen. I – I need to find him- do you know where he is?”

“I’m sorry, Arthur, I don’t know. His last letter is a week old and he doesn’t say where he is in it. I’m afraid he could be anywhere.”

“Fuck!”, the prince called out and hit the stone wall out of anger, ignoring the pain shooting through his hand.

He couldn’t prevent the tears now. Not now, that Hunith’ tender hands carefully stroke his hair, whilst pulling him into a soft hug. A hug he had wished to receive from his father once in a while.

“Oh you two are idiots. You could have had everything and each other and look what happened”, she whispered with a face marked by sorrow. The prince quietly sobbed.

Eventually, Arthur managed restrict his emotions again and stopped crying. He couldn’t stay in Ealdor, that much was obvious, so he decided he’d travel through the villages around Ealdor, hoping he’d be lucky and find Merlin. He wasn’t expected back in Camelot for another two days at least anyways.

 

Two days was also the amount of time he spend searching through the villages with no sign of Merlin whatsoever. He felt horrible and it was a miracle, really, that he fell asleep that night on the hard forest ground.

So naturally he was even more mad than usual to be woken up in the middle of the night by a loud cracking noise. Immediately he jumped up and closed his hands around his sword’s handle.

He could faintly make out a person standing with the back to him about five meters away, wearing elegant green robes.

“Who’s there?”, he asked loudly, the figure however didn’t respond, just tensed up.

“Show yourself!”, he proceeded to shout, doing his best to assert his dominance. He couldn’t see if the figure was armed, so better try to sound like the stronger one already.

Very slowly the person turned around and pulled the hood off their head.

Arthur’s body stopped working for a few seconds. He didn’t even notice the sword slipping out of his hands and dropping on the floor.

“Merlin?”, that’s all he got out of his throat. No doubt, that was definitely his former manservant’s face and figure five meters in front of him. He looked tired and crestfallen.

“Oh my god is it really you?”, he continued to ask and as the man nodded sheepishly, his heart began to beat out of his chest.

He stepped a few steps closer, so now there were only two meters between them. Merlin didn’t back off, but neither did he appear to like it.

“I’ve been searching for you”, he explained breathless. He still couldn’t believe it. Did the universe give him a second chance?

A shiver ran through Arthur’s body as Merlin raised his voice for the first time. Though, his words could have been better.

“No you haven’t. You can’t. I’ve finally come to peace with it. I’ve been almost over you!”, he said.

Arthur held onto the only word giving him hope. _Almost._

“Merlin, please listen. I have made a mistake.”

“I am making this up”, Merlin replied coldly, not acknowledging Arthur’s heavy head-shaking.

“I should have come earlier”, he tried, but Merlin didn’t listen.

“This isn’t real.”

“Merlin, I have missed you! Please, let me at least talk to you. I need you back in Camelot.” Arthur really tried to sound sincere and honest and full of regret, because it was the truth. He was all of those things.

“You are _lying._ You probably just need me to come back, so you can execute me! No no no, I will not do that. Not happening. I can’t go back to constantly hiding who I am. I am finally free to use my magic anytime and love who I want.”

Arthur stopped dead in his tracks. _Love who I want._

Didn’t he want to love Arthur? Did Merlin love someone else now? Just because he wasn’t completely over Arthur, didn’t mean he couldn’t love someone else.

“Have you changed your mind?”, he asked bluntly.

“What?”

“About me. Have you changed your mind?” He needed certainty.

“No! N-No it’s not that easy, dollophead! Love doesn’t just disappear after _years._ ”

 _I know,_ Arthur wanted to say. _I know and I’m sorry, please listen, please come back, please-_ But he was cut off by another voice shouting the boy’s name.

Merlin whirled around.

The voice was familiar.

“Is that… Gwaine?” Suddenly Arthur realized. _Gwaine, of course. Good-looking, flirtatious, queer Gwaine._ _Gwaine, a friend of his, but at the same time the man he had been so incredible mad at for flirting with the boy he liked. Gwaine, the talented and better version of Arthur._

Merlin turned back to face him. His eyes shone pained as if he was saying ‘I’m sorry’ as he stepped close to him. The world stopped, when Merlin’s hands touched his skin and Arthur could barely stand after seeing the man’s eyes glow golden once more.

And then his legs actually gave in.

“What?”, were his last weak try to talk, before falling into the black void of nothingness.

 

He woke up confused and with the word “Merlin” on his lips, but he couldn’t figure out why.

Very slowly and blurry he started to remember the previous night, as if he had drank too much. It seemed unreal, so cloudy and with missing parts as if it was just a dream, but at the same time he remembered Merlin’s hands on his skin so clearly. Could recall his voice so well.

He shook his head. Surely in some time he’d either remember everything clearly or know that it really had been just a dream. To wrack his brains because of this would only exhaust him, so instead he prepared himself to ride back to Camelot.

Having not found Merlin, he was fairly miserable about the thought of returning home, still alone.

However, one question didn’t leave him all the way to the castle.

What would he do if Merlin agreed to come back? If Uther found out about his magic, he would be killed and if he found out about their love, he’d be banished. That couldn’t happen. He’d need to think of something. He needed to convince Uther to allow magic back in Camelot. And to allow him to be with a man, though that shouldn’t be his business in the first place. But it was. He was the king and he could interfere with Arthur’s life as much as he liked, to the prince’s dismay. That needed to stop. There had to be a way to convince Uther.

How could he know there had been an easy way all along?

 

“So he wasn’t in Ealdor? You didn’t find him? Or did he reject you?”

Morgana met him on the outside of the castle as soon as he arrived, Gwen hat her side, even Sir Leon was there in under a minute.

“No, he wasn’t. But I met him – I think.”

“What do you mean you think?”, Gwen frowned.

“I remember talking to him, but it’s really cloudy and blurred, parts are missing. It had been in the middle of the night, maybe I just had a very realistic dream.”

“Well, anyway what did he say?”

“If it was one, it wasn’t a nice dream”, Arthur gulped, forcing the numb feeling to the back of his head again.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry.” Gwen looked at him with pity

“Don’t be. However, I talked to Hunith and she cleared the situation a little up. In conclusion: He probably hates me.”

Arthur remained totally emotionless throughout the conversation, it was scary, really.

“Well and what now? Do you want to just give up?”, Sir Leon asked, eyebrows raised in disbelief.

“No, as I rode back to Camelot, I realized something”, Arthur explained, while leading his horse to the stables and ordering one of the servants to take care of it.

“Merlin won’t come back as long as our ridiculous laws regarding magic are still intact. He won’t want to come back into hiding who he was. And I don’t want him to. He deserves to walk freely. And maybe if he hears of the magic restricting laws being abolished, maybe he’ll come back, as he doesn’t have to fear for execution anymore. What do you think?”

“Well, that sounds _great_ Arthur really-”, Gwen said, though still looking contrite.

“But?”

“How do you want to achieve that? You know Uther better than anyone, he won’t allow that.”

A deep sigh left the man’s body together with his newly won euphemism.

“I don’t know”, he admitted sheepishly.

“No, he doesn’t”, Morgana chimed in, a witty smile on her face. “I may have an idea for that, but it takes some time, can you endure that?”

“How long?”

“A few months.”

“Do I have another choice?”

“Not really. Just leave it to me, I will explain it to you soon.”

Smirking, Morgana left without another word, Gwen following her with quick steps.

“Mysterious that woman”, Leon said amazed.

“How right you are”, Arthur responded smiling, as they watched the women walking up the stairs to enter the castle. When Morgana had a plan, they already won.

“So, how did the knights training go while I was gone?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay another one!! Lmao  
> I really enjoy writing this haha 
> 
> Leave comments and Kudos pls & thanks! <3  
> \- Saturning


	11. Chapter 11

“Is this- Are _you_ real?”

Merlin stared at the man in front of him in awe, after releasing him from the long hug.

“I can’t believe it. How can I be _that_ lucky?”

“Sorry to interfere, but who exactly is he, though?”

Gwaine stood right next to Merlin as he had suddenly rushed away from him, through the crowd of the full market, falling into the arms of another man. Of course Gwaine was suspicious at first. Who wouldn’t be after everything Merlin had gone through? It certainly wasn’t jealousy. No.

“Oh, yes, of course! You don’t know each other yet, right, yes, sorry. So this is Gwaine”, Merlin explained, pointing at the charming man standing next to him, “and this, Gwaine, is Lancelot. I met him back in Camelot first and again outside of it, but that was a bit later. He has been banished as well for lying about being a noble, so he could become a knight. Well, basically I lied for him, so that’s on me. But he really would have been a great knight. Still would.”

“Merlin you’re babbling a bit”, Gwaine noted. A sheepish grin spread on the warlock’s face.

“Sorry, I’m just kind of excited”, he admitted, nervously folding his hands.

Lancelot hinted a short but lovely laugh, exposing his unreal white teeth.

“So when you say banished _as well_ -”, the man started as soon as he stopped laughing.

“He means me. I’m banished for saving the royal ass Arthur himself and attacking two thugs in disguise”, Gwaine informed and Lancelot replied with a simple acknowledging nod.

“Then what are you doing so far away from Camelot Merlin? Did Arthur-”, suddenly his expression changed from cheerful to shocked and he carefully lowered his voice, aware of the many people around.

“ _Did Arthur find out?”,_ he demanded to know, his voice filled with terror and his eyes showed his worries. That was the moment Gwaine decided Lancelot could be trusted, because _that man truly worries for Merlin’s well-being._ However, he was still confused what was meant by that question.

“You mean the magic? Well, you see, I kind of banished myself after I told him about it”, the raven haired boy confessed. His cheeks turned a little pink from embarrassment.

So Lancelot already knew about his powers.

“You told him? Well that is very brave. Did it not go well?”

“I don’t even know anymore.” Uncomfortably Merlin dropped his gaze to the floor and started to knead his hands. Lancelot appeared to notice and thus changed the subject immediately.

“So do you know how Guinevere is doing?”

“Gwen? You know her as well?” Gwaine wondered. For what he knew, Guinevere rejected him, because of someone else he didn’t know, did the same happen to Lancelot?

“Knowing is a very humble way to put it”, Merlin commented, the wide grin reappeared on his face, causing his eyes to wrinkle and shine.

Gwaine raised his eyebrows, as he saw Lancelot’s shy smile in respond.

“They’re basically in a long distance relationship. Gwen’s been pining for you what feels like all the time, well at least it was like that when I last saw her. That’s about a month ago, but I can’t imagine that changing”, he assured, smiling warmly.

Lancelot exhaled, relieved to know he hasn’t been forgotten by his love.

“I feel the same about her, I wish to see her again very soon”, he said. The longing in his voice made even Gwaine ache for loving touches and gentle kisses.

“Who knows, maybe Arthur realizes now how much it hurts to be separated from an important person and you can return soon”, Gwaine noted, tilting his head to the side, amused as Merlin frowned at him.

“But in the meanwhile, you might as well join our group of banished idiots, that could have stayed, if it wasn’t for them to be dumb.”

The man offered his hand to the friendly swordsman, at least that’s what Gwaine thought him to be, regarding the sword to his side, with a wide grin spread across his face.

“Sounds great to me. A whole group of idiots. Might as well be an established group of warriors”, Lancelot replied delighted, giving in to the firm handshake.

“Uh, nice? I did not expect you to be forming a bond right away, but who am I to complain.” Merlin cheered, smiling wide and Gwaine couldn’t remember the last time he had seen the young warlock so sincere full of happiness.

That night was the first in weeks, that he saw Merlin sleep properly. Maybe Lancelot’s presence calmed him down, maybe he had been happy enough for once, that his dark thoughts couldn’t keep him from resting or maybe he felt at ease, knowing that he wouldn’t leave Gwaine alone, while he slept. Merlin had always been the one to put others first, ignoring his own problems and insomnia.

So Gwaine found himself deep into a conversation with Lancelot at their campfire, whilst the young warlock peacefully and quietly snored.

They told each other their stories and Gwaine explained further what happened to Merlin, so the exhausted boy didn’t have to do it himself, again. Lancelot was an understanding and kind man, Gwen loving him was more than understandable now.

“So you accompanied Merlin the last month?”, Lancelot asked eventually, his eyes reflected the campfire beautifully.

“Only the last three weeks, but yes, I’ve been by his side since. He has a hard time coping with everything, especially since he met Arthur in person just a few days ago.”

“He did? How come he is neither arrested nor back in Camelot?” The swordsman appeared to be just as confused and curious as Gwaine had been when he found out, regarding his arched eyebrows and nervous fiddling with the handle of his sword.

“I wasn’t with him, but apparently Arthur tried to apologize and take him back to Camelot, but Merlin refused to believe him and put him to sleep using magic, before I could enter the conversation.”

Slowly the man nodded, acknowledging his words, though not being very content about them.

“Reasonable, but also kind of foolish. They could be so happy, but instead they only cause each other endless pain.”

“Truer words have never been spoken. We desperately need them to understand each other’s love for the other as soon as possible. But first: We need Merlin to recover. I can’t stand to see him in a constant state if exhaustion anymore.”

Once again, Lancelot nodded in agreement and smiled fondly at the other man sitting across from him.

“You are taking good care of him. Thank you for that, he’s a very dear friend of mine, I’d hate to see him having to go through this alone. By the way, you look exhausted as well. Go to sleep, I’ll stay awake and watch out for bandits and stuff. I promise to wake you at the first sign of danger, alright?” Lancelot answered his questions before he could even ask them, which made Gwaine laugh.

“Alright, thanks.”

 

Another one and a half months full of travelling and fun later, something incredibly weird happened. None of the three believed it at first, although the knight couldn’t have been more clear about it.

“I am _what_ ”, Lancelot exclaimed, his eyes glued on the piece of parchment in his hands, as if the words were in some ancient language he couldn’t understand.

“Please enlighten us, for we have no idea what the reasons for this are”, Gwaine adds in confusion, shooting his mates puzzled glances. They just returned them in the same state of bewilderment.

“How is it possible, for Uther Pendragon, stubborn king of Camelot to change his mind and allow me back in Camelot?” As much as Lancelot was delighted, he was baffled.

“I was informed it was due to the Lady Morgana’s convincing talks with him about her unlucky servant and how it saddened her unbelievably to see her maid being filled with grief and only the annulation of your banishment could lift their moods. The crown prince may have helped as well”, the knight informed them in a formerly voice.

A bark of laughter passed Lancelot’s lips, his eyes were filled with sheer glee.

“So I can return to Camelot? I can be with Guinevere again? This isn’t a dream?”

“I can assure you, it’s not a dream”, the knight insisted and proceeded to face Merlin.

“By the way Merlin”, he started. “We’re all missing you at the knights training. Arthur’s not the same anymore, grew kind of ruthless and cold since you left. Well, no he is still kind and a good leader, but just not as – talkative and cheerful anymore.”

Merlin simply nodded it off. He wouldn’t know what to do with that information anyway.

“Lancelot, I think you should leave with him immediately. Gwen and you deserve to be together again”, he eventually spoke truthfully. He directed his gaze back to Lancelot, meeting his eyes with determination, however his friend shifted uncomfortably.

“Merlin- I mean, of course I want to, but I can still stay for another few days or weeks, you know. I don’t have to leave right away-”

“I’m fine. Besides that, Gwaine is still here as well. You go and live with the love of your life, do it for me. Do it instead of me.”

Lancelot sighs, knowing fully well that convincing Merlin wasn’t possible, not that he really wanted to in the first place. He missed Gwen and he wasn’t very keen to wait any longer.

“But could you do me a favour? Tell Arthur something for me, would you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's kind of a change of the point of view for once, it was easier and I think nicer to have it in Gwaine's pov for once, more or less that is.  
> So here you have it! Lancelot my man!! Thoroughly enjoyed writing this, sorry that you don't get to read more of the three banished idiots for now lmao
> 
> Please leave comments & Kudos! Would be really motivating and thanks to everyone who has done so already!! Y'all really keep me going!! Thanks!!  
> \- Saturning


	12. Chapter 12

They had been dining, when the knight entered the hall, causing everyone to stop what they have been doing, especially Guinevere.

Their eyes were glued to the knight’s lips as he smiled and announced:

“My mission has been a great success. I effectively brought Lancelot back to Camelot, as you commanded Sire. He’s bringing his horse to the stables as we speak.”

Gwen stared at him for a few moments, then she looked at Morgana, begging without words.

Morgana had an understanding smile on her lips.

“Go, Gwen. Go see him, I won’t need your assistance for at least a few hours.”

“Thank you, my lady”, Gwen breathed, put down the tablet she held and hurried out of the dining hall, Arthur followed her figure with his eyes, a knowing smile decorated his face.

“Oh great”, Uther responded grumbling. He hoped the search would be unsuccessful, as there had been endless possibilities for Lancelot’s whereabouts. But the knight fulfilled his mission and managed to find a single man out of Camelot in just five days. What a shame that Uther actually had to recall a banishment.

The knight coughed once, to draw the attention back on him.

“The man, Lancelot, also asked for a word with the crown prince later this day.”

Arthur nodded promptly.

“Yes, of course. Tell him he can seek me out anytime”, he ordered and dismissed the knight eventually.

“So he really found him? But you do remember that he still isn’t allowed to be a knight, right?”, Uther commented, evil eyes locked on his son.

“We will see about that, father.”

Silence filled the room as they continued to eat, until Morgana raised her voice once more.

“I will go and check on Gwen and see how Lancelot is doing”, she said, whilst pushing her chair back. As she stood up, her elbow accidentally hit a jug, causing it to fall off the table.

She startled and turned around only to see it fall, but the scattering sound didn’t occur as it should have already and the rash golden glow in her eyes made Arthur understand why that was. She held it just a few seconds in mid air, before releasing the spell, which led to the jug falling eventually, splattering the wine it contained all over the floor.

Arthur wasn’t surprised, he knew of Morgana’s powers, she told them a few days after she announced her plan.

Uther on the other hand kept staring at Morgana who backed off a little. Arthur knew that all that was just a farce. Morgana only acted shocked. The jug falling down hadn’t been an accident at all, as well as her magic. It’s all part of the plan Morgana came up with, so her whispering “sorry, Sire” and leaving the room in a hurry, appearing like she’s already tearing up, wasn’t a coincidence either.

Uther needed a few moments to start moving again.

Arthur looked at him, eyebrows raised.

“Did you see the jug?”, the king asked, a horrified expression marking his face, causing him to seem older than he was.

“I couldn’t see anything, the view was blocked by the table, why? Did something happen?”, Arthur asked playfully unknowing.

“No, nothing happened, of course not”, Uther whispered and shifted in his chair.

“Okay, then… I’ll guess, I’ll go and check on Morgana, if you don’t mind?”

“No, you may go.”

Arthur nodded and followed Morgana out of the hall. She had waited just next to the doorway, smiling mischievously as she caught sight of the crown prince.

“Did he take the bait?”

“Of course he did, your acting is terrifyingly good. I’m not sure if I like it.”

“Oh, I know you do, because it will make Merlin come back eventually.”

She winked at him, flicking her hair over her shoulder. Arthur just smiled in respond. It felt good to be able to smile again, he had started to do so after they established their plan. He had hope.

“Well then, want to go and see Lancelot now or not?”

“Of course I do!”

Laughing, she grabbed his wrist and dragged him after her, down the stairs and out of the castle.

 

The couple was sitting at the side of the stairs just outside the great castle doors, very close to each other, deep in conversation. They didn’t even notice their friends’ approach until Arthur let out a fake cough. Lancelot looked up and his smile widened.

Quickly he rose from the stairs and Arthur pulled him into content hug.

“It’s so good to see you again, mate! How have you been?”, he asked joyful, glee filled his insides.

“Fine, actually. Especially the last one and a half month have been great, honestly. But I’m not going to lie, being allowed back in Camelot to be with Guinevere again is the greatest gift I’ve ever received”, his old friend replied enthusiastic.

“Though, I do need to talk to you, Arthur”, he added, suddenly in a lowered and less perky voice, which sent a cold shiver down the prince’s back. That couldn’t mean well.

“I don’t know if you want Morgana and Gwen to listen, as well”, he says, careful that the girls can’t hear him.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“It’s regarding Merlin.”

His blood froze cold in his veins.

“They can hear it”, he said, “just tell me – _did something happen to him?_ ”

“No! No, he is fine – I mean, well. Not physically hurt”, he promptly clarified. Arthur felt his shoulders relax, though his mind was not at ease. _Physically but not mentally?_

Morgana and Gwen, who had been talking a few seconds ago, shut up.

“So he is alive and well?”, Morgana asked further.

“Yes. I have been travelling with him and Gwaine around for the last one and a half months and he had been there when I received the message of my banishment being lifted. He asked me to tell you some things, Arthur.”

Arthur gulped down his fears and nervously folded his hands. After he made sure that no one else was listening, he nodded.

“What does he have to say?”, he breathed, surprised that his legs still held him, though they felt like jelly.

“He wants you to know that he’s sorry, for leaving and for lying and he hopes you are all right. He also wants to apologize for how he reacted back in the woods, he shouldn’t have used magic on you.”

Arthur sucked in a sharp breath. _Their encounter hasn’t been a dream. It had been real. Merlin had rejected him._

“He realized he needed this time away from you, time to breath and to heal and if it wasn’t for magic still being forbidden and Gwaine being banished from Camelot, he’d come back to solve things in a few weeks.”

He needed a few moments. Merlin _really_ wanted to talk to him again. He wanted to solve things. He wanted to _come back._

“And what if magic is still forbidden in a few months?”, he managed to ask hoarsely.

“Well, he did once mention something among the lines ‘If Uther doesn’t die or legalize magic in the next two days, I might as well just go to him and tell him to fuck _right_ off’ but he was drunk and I don’t know if we can take him by the word on that one. Though I believe, sooner or later he’ll come by anyway and if it’s just to tell Uther how wrong he is and get burned at the stake. Not as if either Gwaine, nor I or any of you would allow that.”

Lancelot seemed more than optimistic about it and Arthur decided to trust his words. They would just have to try to legalize magic as soon as possible and if they can’t do it, Merlin will do it himself.

“So does that mean Merlin doesn’t hate me?”

Lancelot looked at him with an expression that made Arthur nervous, but he couldn’t figure out why. And then he laughed. Lancelot laughed.

“Gwaine was _so right!_ You are the two most oblivious human beings I’ve ever met”, he called out, still shaking of laughter. “Of course he doesn’t. He tried, really hard, but all that came out of it, was fear. Fear that _you_ would hate _him_ especially after what happened in the woods.” Eventually he stopped laughing, wiping the tears of joy out of his eyes.

Arthur didn’t understand. Merlin _still_ feared to be hated by him?

“And before you ask, Arthur: No, I don’t know about his feelings for you. That’s one of the things he didn’t talk about, at least not with me. Just know, that he misses you, feels terribly sorry about leaving, but also knows he needed that break, you both did.”

Arthur just acknowledged the words, sucking them to let his gut feeling decide if they meant good or bad. The answer wasn’t clear.

The only way to earn certainty was to talk to Merlin. It was a shame they would only meet in a few weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not very happy about how this chapter turned out... but it's still okay, I hope you guys still enjoy it. I think only about three or four chapters are left now. This is crazy.
> 
> Anyway, I'm grateful for every comment and every Kudos! I'd also like it if you'd read my other fanfictions as well!  
> Thanks for reading and sticking around!  
> \- Saturning


	13. Chapter 13

“I feel relieved, Gwaine. I feel ready”, Merlin announced. Proud and glee swelled in his chest as he imagined it. Just the mere thought of meeting Arthur again set a turmoil off inside of him, whether that meant good or bad was yet to be found out.

“To do what?”, Gwaine asked, a suspicious grimace graced his face.

“To go back to Camelot of course.”

“Are you sure? You want to confront Arthur again? You feel ready? You know, we haven’t heard of magic being allowed in Camelot again. And it’s been three weeks since Lancelot returned.”

“It’s not as if I plan to hide again. I had enough time away from Arthur now. I’m not constantly exhausted anymore and I even may have been wrong about him all this time. It’s more than time that we have a talk. Besides I miss Gwen, Gaius, Morgana and Leon. And Lancelot as well. I’m positive, Gwaine. If it doesn’t play out in my favour and Arthur turns out to be an ass still, we can just leave again. If that is okay with you only, I mean, I don’t want to pressure you to do anything.” The warlock smiled apologetically, he didn’t intend to force Gwaine to do anything against his liking, though he should know by now, that Gwaine was absolutely ready to do everything for the raven haired boy.

Gwaine shook his head, smiling to himself.

“You’re way too nice, Merlin. Of course I’ll come. I’ll go wherever you go, you know that. However, you do have in mind that I am still banished from Camelot, right?”

“Of course I do, but the guards won’t even remember you, they never do, and if someone wants to throw you out, we will just fight them or something, like we always do.” A wide grin flashed over his face, his eyes wrinkling, as he looked over to his best friend on the horse right next to him. Gwaine looked back at him in awe. Merlin was right and he looked the part. The great eyebags have disappeared, he sat on the horse with a straight back and glowing eyes instead of a curved spine and looking like death on two legs. He appeared to have healed inside. Nothing could have made Gwaine happier in that moment than to see that his friend gotten stronger, happier and braver. He was so proud. And in the back of his mind he made sure to check if Arthur changed as well, if he was worthy of Merlin, especially now that his wounds were healed, he didn’t want them to be opened up again right away. But Merlin was positive and so was Gwaine. How couldn’t he be when Merlin had such a strong positive atmosphere around him?

Cheerfully they put up their camp for the night. First thing in the morning they would make their way back to Camelot. From where they were now, they’d need about three days to get back to the great castle, though if they rushed they could make it in one and a half, but who’d do that? No they wanted to enjoy their, probably and hopefully, last three days of complete solitude.

 

Merlin woke up early on their last day of loneliness. Besides being a little sad that their adventurous travels may have to end now, he was excited. Excited to watch the sun going down from inside the castle walls just the next day.

Gwaine was still asleep as he decided to go for a short walk, careful to not go far, in order to keep his friend from worrying, should he wake up before he returns.

The forest was soaked in warm sunlight, birds were chirping and weak gusts of wind nuzzled through his already messy black hair.

For a few seconds he just stood there with closed eyes and felt the warm beams of light on his face, the gentle breeze on his skin, listened to the soothing forest sounds and felt his magic pour through him. Never did he feel more relaxed.

Until he heard footsteps approaching and he was dragged from his peaceful state of mind. As rapid as he could force his body to move, he hid behind the next tree. His body pressed against the dry bark, his breath went fast and started shaking as he heard voices talking. Obviously the men, judged by the sound of their voices, thought to be alone, as they kept talking irrespective of others being around.

The first ugly voice spoke. It sounded like the man had something disgusting stuck in his throat and couldn’t cough it out.

“They should arrive in the early afternoon today. I can sense her powers getting stronger with each step she takes, the stones connecting us are working well. I can feel where she is and I can feel the stone giving her more power.”, it told.

“Ah yes”, the other voice replied satisfied, not sounding much more pleasant than the first. “They won’t know what will hit them. She will kill everyone in her way and finally the crown prince and king themselves. We are going to take over.”

His heart stopped beating. _No no no. Not now, not today, not ever._

The blood started to rush in his ears, preventing him from hearing more of the conversation. He heard enough anyway.

His mind started filling with doubts, guilt and fear. He needed to protect Arthur and the people of Camelot. They’d die without him.

Waiting for the voices to disappear felt like forever, though the footsteps slowly faded, he couldn’t risk being caught and throwing their only advantage over board, as the men didn’t know that Merlin knew.

He held his breath for a few more seconds until certain that the voices were gone and not coming back, then he fell into a death sprint back to their camp, where Gwaine was still snoring quietly.

“Gwaine!”, Merlin shouted, whilst roughly shaking him awake.

“What? What’s happened? Are we under attack?”, Gwaine murmured sleepily, barely opening his eyes.

“Gwaine, this is not a joke. We need to ride to Camelot as fast as we can, _now_ ”, the warlock warned through gritted teeth, hoping his glares and tone of voice would be enough to alarm his friend. And it was. Faster than usual Gwaine got up and looked at Merlin worried.

“What happened?”, he repeated, wide awake this time and audibly scared.

“Arthur is in danger, whole Camelot is.”

The boy hastily collected their things, readying his horse in record time.

“What? How do you know that? When did that happen?” The noble followed Merlin’s actions as he got frequently more nervous. Eventually, he decided on a final, most important question.

“What do I have to expect?”

“A sorceress, a powerful one maybe. I don’t know _what_ she’s exactly going to do, but she will not hesitate to kill off everyone in her way, to fulfil her mission: Killing Uther and Arthur.”

Merlin explained, as he climbed on his horse, shakily waiting for Gwaine to get ready as well.

“Oh great, of course”, his friend growled.

The second Gwaine sat in his saddle as well, Merlin rode off. Just one thing in his mind.

_Save them._

 

They arrived outside the castle walls at noon.

“She’s not hear yet”, Merlin stated, as they slowed down their horses and entered Camelot.

“Yeah, I figured so much. No alarm bells ringing, no one’s dead, definitely seems fine to me”, Gwaine commented, a sly grin widened on his face, but Merlin didn’t feel at ease.

_Just yet. She could be here any second._

“We have to find Arthur. At this time of the day he should be at the knight’s training. Let’s bring the horses to the stable and then look for him at the training field”, the warlock ordered.

“Aye aye, my lord”, Gwaine replied cheerfully.

“Merlin! It’s you!”

The young servant in front of the stables looked at him in awe, as if he was a unicorn or some other magical creature.

“Uh, yeah, well. Just, please take care of the horses, all right? Sorry, no time to chatter”, the young man replied, obviously surprised that he has been recognized so soon.

Gwaine walked next to him, as they hasted over the courtyard to the trainings field.

“Even when you’re in a rush for life and death, you always stay polite”, he commented amusedly.

Merlin just acknowledged it, but left it unanswered, his mind was occupied by other things. Things like the tall blonde man with broad shoulders in armour standing on the damp grass, about 30 feet away from him.

He watched as the prince started fighting against a very young knight, probably still in training. Arthur defended himself against the boy with ease, which resulted in the boy already lying defeated on the floor after like ten seconds, however, Arthur didn’t stop flinging his sword, forcing the boy to swerve out of the way just in time to not be stabbed.

Merlin didn’t even realize he’d started walking towards the scenery.

“Wait! Are just going to walk over there and…?”, Gwaine called out. Merlin didn’t stop, just answered with a very plump “yes”.

Arthur stood with his back to him, so he couldn’t see his former servant approaching him. Slowly the other knights around started noticing him and one after another let his sword slip out of his hands, staring at the warlock in disbelief, though Merlin barely noticed them. He was focused on Arthur and Arthur only. The boy Arthur fought, was panting helplessly now, trying to move out of the way quick enough, but the prince got closer and closer to seriously harming him. Merlin couldn’t stand the sight of a man getting hurt in front of his eyes, especially when there was a real danger coming up, threatening to kill them all if they dare protect the royal family.

He raised his voice, careful to sound brave, to not shake and surprisingly, it worked.

“That’s enough now, don’t you think? You’ve won, he’ll be wounded if you continue.”

Promptly Arthur released his sword and carelessly let it fall to his feet.

“Sir Kay please tell me… am I hallucinating?”, he asked, not yet turning around, rather frozen in place.

“If you mean Merlin, then no, if you mean something else, then probably”, the knight answered, a playful smile appeared on his face. Then Arthur turned around immediately. Just a second he stared at the warlock intensely, before he proceeded to close the gap between them, pulling him into a rapid and tight hug. Though Merlin was scared, the sorceress still on his mind, he couldn’t help but beam and hug the prince back. Oh how long he waited for this to happen.

“Arthur I-”, he started. Although he hated to ruin the moment, he needed to inform Arthur. His life was more important than their hug.

“Shut up, Merlin”, Arthur interrupted him, burying his face in Merlin’s neck. “I missed you.”

“I know, Arthur. I did, too, but-”

“Please, let me have this for just a few more seconds okay?”

“No, _Arthur,_ Camelot is-” This time it wasn’t Arthur interrupting his attempt to speak up. The alarm bells did. Merlin felt the magic booming in his veins. It reacted to the other strong magic force present. _The sorceress. She’s here._

Arthur pulled away from the hug.

“Fuck”, he exclaimed, sprinting to pick up his sword again.

“I’m sorry, Merlin, we’re going to talk later, yes? I promise. I need to protect Camelot now.”

“Arthur – no – wait! Don’t – ah – let me help at least!” Merlin begged him, he couldn’t just stand by and watch. Why would he when he was the most powerful one? The one that would be most useful?

“I- Merlin, you can’t. It’s not yet established, the law, that is. You’d be killed”, Arthur argued after ordering the knights to head for the courtyard.

“Better than seeing you die.”

Arthur looked at him, the horror written in his eyes. He shook his head and headed to run after his knights, leaving Merlin without an answer. Merlin wouldn’t have heard, anyway. He was going to fight and he would use magic to protect them, no matter the price he’d have to pay.

Merlin arrived last at the scenery. The knights stood in formation, swords drawn, ready to attack each second now.

He vould could make out Gwaine on the other side of the courtyard, next to Lancelot, both swords drawn as well. Gwaine caught sight of Merlin and threw him a meaningful glance. Merlin nodded back at him, before focusing on the sorceress entering the yard in absolute calmness.

Her long silver was gently flowing in the wind, her skin was already wrinkling of age. She seemed like just another old friendly woman, if it wasn’t for the necklace around her neck to glow and the few soldiers behind her lying dead on the ground. _They stood in her path,_ Merlin thought, _and she recklessly killed them._

Shortly after, the king appeared in the doorway on top of the large stairs leading inside the castle.

“Who are you? What do you want?”, he demanded to know with this booming voice.

“You don’t need to know my name. You won’t survive the day. Your reign will be over very soon”, the sorceress responded, whilst raising her scrawny hands.

“Stop this madness now or you _will_ be killed immediately!”, the king shouts, though only receiving laughter in return.

“As if you wouldn’t kill me otherwise!”

 _She’s got a point,_ the warlock thinks, dooming himself for it afterwards.

“No one has to die!”, Uther shouts back.

_She will. Either way. At my hand or yours._

The woman didn’t reply, instead she started conjuring a spell. A wall of daggers appeared in front of her, each one pointing at every armed person standing, including the king, the prince and Merlin. Gwaine and Lancelot were also included. If she was to release the spell, they would shoot every single man standing. The daggers would pierce through hearts and eyes and lungs and throats. They would kill instantly. They were magic.

“Don’t even bother trying to defend yourself. These daggers will pierce through your armor with ease. You _will_ die!”, the woman chimes. The evil smile on her face made the warlock want to vomit.

Merlin stopped overthinking. He just acted. Just needed to protect.

“They won’t!”, he called out, as he walked to the middle of the courtyard, countless eyes pierced through him, as if the daggers were already shooting through him.

“What is that boy doing?”, Uther asked confused.

“ _Merlin don’t you dare_ ”, Arthur growled, gripping his sword just a bit tighter.

“ _Merlin?_ ”, a woman’s voice shouted, sounding terrified. Morgana or Gwen, Merlin figured, but couldn’t focus on who it was exactly.

The boy stopped in the middle of the courtyard, standing in front of the knights, facing the sorceress.

“And what do you think are you doing, boy? Think you could defeat me? You’ll die, trying that.”

“Maybe, but at least they’re safe.”

“ _Merlin, no!_ ”, Arthur repeated.

“Enough talking! If you wish to die, trying to protect them, then so be it!”

The woman screamed, her eyes glowed golden and the wall of daggers started moving with inhuman speed towards them. Merlin turned around to face the people of Camelot. He smiled, raised his hands and conjured a magical wall, protecting everyone.

As the daggers hit the wall, they got stuck in mid air, turned around and shot back with the same speed to it’s source.

The woman screamed again. This time, it was out of pain. Merlin didn’t turn around, even if he wanted to, he couldn’t.

He heard a _thud_ , symbolizing a body hitting the floor. The sorceress was dead.

Merlin raised his gaze, meeting Arthur’s immediately.

“ _Another sorcerer!_ ”, Uther screamed furiously.

The prince dropped his sword and hurried to the warlock’s side, whose legs felt like jelly.

“You great fucking _idiot!_ You can’t just risk your life like that _again!_ I can’t loose you so soon, not when I literally _just_ got you back”, Arthur breathed heavily, catching Merlin, as his legs didn’t hold him anymore, exposing his back. The prince gasped in terror.

“Fuck – Merlin – you got – _fuck-_ ”

“Stabbed?”, Merlin suggested. He tried to sound witty, but he was in too much pain. Three magical daggers in one’s back aren’t quite the most pleasant feeling one could imagine.

“Gaius! Someone get Gaius, _quick!_ ”

“Already here!”, the from age marked familiar voice relaxed Merlin. Gaius would do everything to save him, and if he couldn’t then at least he’d die surrounded by his loved ones.

“Stay away from him! Arthur step back!”, Uther demanded. “He’s a sorcerer!”

“ _And?_ Father he is _dying!_ ”, the prince shouted back.

“That’s his own fault, we’d need to execute him anyway. Have him just die now.”

“Oh, bloody hell, I sure won’t!”

“None of us will!” Merlin smiled faintly, as he saw the other knights stepping up for him. Other citizens started to join them soon, of course including Lancelot and Gwaine and Gwen.

“My lord! This man has just risked his life to save all of us, including yourself, Sire. We cannot let him die. Besides, I think your people disagree, as well”, Sir Leon told him. “And you wouldn’t want to upset your kingdom, would you?”

The King looked deeply offended, especially as the people of Camelot started to shout agreements.

“I think this is a good time, to make an announcement.”

Another voice was raised, a woman’s voice and it belonged to no one else, but the king’s ward, Morgana Pendragon. She stepped out of the castle in a fancy purple silk dress, as elegant as ever and came to a halt next to Uther with a graceful smile and her chin raised high.

“As everyone in Camelot shall see, magic itself is not evil! Merlin here, is the best example. He saved all of us, more times than we know about and he never received any credit, never asked for it.”

“And he saved no one more than me. If it wasn’t for him, Camelot would have fallen long ago. Do you really want to kill our saviour father?”, Arthur added, allocating Merlin to Gwaine, who had rushed to his side as well.

“However, if you want to kill Merlin for the mere fact that he is in fact a sorcerer, using magic for whatever reason, you will have to execute me as well. For I, Morgana Pendragon, have magic inside of me! And for the good of Camelot, I will use them to protect my people. And Merlin is one of them. It is our duty to protect him. And we will. Until death.”

Cold as ice, her gaze pierced through the King’s eyes, making him visibly shutter in front of the whole of Camelot.

“I-”, he began, backing off almost invisibly.

Merlin couldn’t hear the rest, much less see it, as the pain finally overwhelmed him, forcing him to fall into deep darkness.

“ _Merlin._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only two more chapters to go! That's so crazy!!  
> Thank you all so much for your love!! I'm so overwhelmed by it and that so many people read and like it!! Thanks!!
> 
> This is the climax I'd say! I tried my very hardest and best, I hope you enjoy it!!  
> Please leave Kudos & Comments to let me know!!  
> \- Saturning


	14. Chapter 14

Arthur’s glance shot back to the sorcerer in the speed of light as he heard Gwaine swear:

“No, _no,_ Merlin you need to stay awake, come on, don’t leave us, damn you!”

“What happened?”, the prince breathed, panic started to fill his lungs and eyes, as he saw that the man in Gwaine’s arms had stopped moving, his eyes closed.

“He fell unconscious, because of the immense pain, Sire. There is no need to worry, he’s not dead yet, but he will be if I can’t treat him very soon”, Gaius spoke reassuring and Arthur wondered how the old physician managed to stay so calm. After all it wasn’t just _anybody_ dying right under his nose, the man was used to near-death situations more than anyone, but it was _Merlin._ The boy he considered the son he never had.

“Yes, of course, I will take him to your chambers imme-”, Arthur started, frantic hands brushing over the warlock’s skin.

“Oh no you won’t!”, Uther commanded, a dangerous growl was mixed in his already low and angry voice, but the prince couldn’t care less about his fathers’ words. All that mattered was Merlin.

“He’s right, _you_ won’t.”

Arthur stared at Gwaine with furious eyes, but his opposite wasn’t intimidated at all.

“I will take him and have Gwen assist Gaius as well. Your fight is not over yet, Arthur. What does it matter if we save him now, when we can’t keep him alive afterwards? Or do you think your father will just change his mind as soon as Merlin’s well again?”

“But- But I can’t leave him now. He’s hurt and it’s my fault, I can’t-” Arthur stopped talking, gulping down the lump in his throat and thought about it carefully once more. Softly nodding, he replied hoarsely:

“You are right. Take good care of him and make sure he has everything he needs, I will be there as soon as I can.”

Gwaine gave him a pat on the back and an encouraging smile, before he picked the warlock up with ease and followed Gaius to his chambers, Gwen hurrying after them.

“Why is no one stopping them! I specifically ordered to not have him helped!”, Uther howled. Yes, the King was furious, but Arthur was determined.

Slowly and carefully the prince walked up the stairs until he stood at Morgana’s side, able to lock his eyes on the king’s.

“No one is stopping them, because they have a sense of respect, father. _They_ know what Merlin deserves and it certainly is not death, as you might wish. What are you so afraid of? Changes? Having to face your problems? Having to admit you were _wrong_ about something?”

The cutting words slip from his tongue, before he could even think about it. He didn’t need to think about it. He knew they were right.

Uther gritted his teeth and stepped closer to the prince, looking down at him, clearly expecting the blonde to back off and give in, but he didn’t. The court fell silent. Everyone hung on their lips as if their life depended on it.

“How _dare_ you say something so incredibly crude to your _king._ ”

“Counter question: How dare _you_ accusing an innocent man of something so nefarious, for all he has done was to save and protect all of us? How can you ignore every moral you have ever told me and your people? Just look around you, father. You are the only one who wants him dead. Everyone besides you understands the immense meaning behind Merlin’s act. He has proven himself loyal and sacrificing, brave and powerful. He could be the greatest enrichment for Camelot, but you want to kill him instead, for using something he was born with? For giving everything he could, risking his life in the process, to protect everyone here?”

For the first time in Arthur’s life he could witness something incredible, something marvellous and hideous. Uther Pendragon, King of Camelot, was at a loss of words. There he stood with his mouth opened, but no words passed his lips and no tone escaped his throat. Arthur watched the ever changing facial expressions on his father’s face with delight.

“Can I take your absence of denies as confirmation? Or do you perhaps need to ask your guards or knights or people first, so they can tell you that I’m right?”, he asked provoking.

The king continued to stare at his son. His eyes were glued to the distinctive features of the prince and in his view laid panic, terror and realization. Eventually, Morgana turned her back on the king and faced the people of Camelot assembled on the courtyard. She smiled gently and raised her voice:

“Citizens! Knights! Guards and servants! People of Camelot, I ask you, do you agree with what our prince, Arthur Pendragon, suggests? Do you agree that not all magic is evil and our protector, former manservant, Merlin, deserves justice and credit for what he has done, instead of being sentenced to a cruel fate, that is not justified in any way? Do you agree that people like me and him should be allowed to walk freely and use magic to do good? Do you want the horrible ban on magic to be lifted and sorcery to be welcomed back in Camelot as it should always have been? Then raise your hands and voices now! Tell your king what must be done!”

For about two seconds everything was silent, no hands were lifted and Arthur felt doubt fighting his way inside his mind again, but it shouldn’t last long. Lancelot was the first to raise his hand, a bright smile gracing his face.

“Yes!”, he cheered loudly.

Leon joined his act shortly after, followed bythe rest of the knights. Then the servants chimed in, after that the guards agreed and at last every single citizen on the courtyard cheered. They cheered for Merlin, Arthur realised, and for Morgana and for their prince.

Said woman now silenced the people with her hand again.

“Thank you!”, she called out and never did Arthur see her more delighted and happy.

“Does anyone disagree?”

No one raised their hand. Not one and Arthur felt his body relaxing, his mind at ease. The people were on their side, nothing could go wrong now.

“Thank you! The people have decided, Uther! If you hold on to your opinion, you will get into a lot of trouble. No one will help you defend your ideals anymore. It’s time you let them go, or we may feel forced to push you off the throne and put Arthur on it instead.” Her mischievous gaze was fixed on the king’s face, who seemed to have lost the ability to talk or even react at all, for the only thing he did was to stare open mouthed and shocked.

“Do you, Uther Pendragon, King of Camelot, agree on lifting the ban on magic and sorcery once and for all? If so, a simple ‘yes’ will be enough, but if not, please be sure to say goodbye to your crown.”

Morgana didn’t break eye contact. She wasn’t afraid. She was right and it was more than just time for Uther to give in and agree.

“Yes. Morgana, Arthur, I – I agree. The ban is to be lifted immediately, as we speak.” The words sounded forced, Arthur did not doubt that Uther did in fact force himself to say it, but that didn’t make it any less official. Uther agreed in front of the whole courtyard to lift the ban on magic. _He actually agreed._

Morgana let out a loud, happy cheer. She pointed her hands at the sky and Arthur witnessed her eyes glowing golden for a second, before fireworks started to go off in the sky over the castle.

“It’s official! Arthur we did it!”, Morgana screamed gleefully and threw herself into the prince’s arms, who was more than happy to catch and hold her tight.

“Yes, we did”, he whispered, finally realizing it himself. A wide smile spread over his face and wouldn’t leave.

The court stared in awe at the colourful play of lights happening over their heads, cheering as well.

Arthur never felt such sincere and pure happiness in his life, until his gaze accidentally fell on the evil sorceress’ dead body, reminding him of Merlin and the condition he was in right now.

“Morgana, I need to check on Merlin”, he told, as she finally let go of him, fear stood in his eyes once more. Gently, the woman ruffled through his hair and showed him a soft smile.

“Of course, I have everything under control. We will discuss the next steps later, go look after him, but don’t get too worried okay? He’s strong and he’ll survive easily”, she proclaimed, before turning her back on him and walking down the stairs to meet her people, excited to finally be her true self without having to worry about being punished for it.

For a few more seconds, he followed Morgana’s figure with his eyes, watching _her_ eyes change to gold every now and then, creating small wonders in the blink of an eye, and just genuinely being happy for her, then proceeded to hurry inside the castle and up the stairs, making his well known way to Gaius’ chambers. Hesitation came over him, as he finally stood right in front of the door, behind which he knew Merlin was lying, and suddenly, he didn’t want to go in anymore. He was scared. What if it had been to late? What if he walked through that door, just to find Merlin’s dead body and Gaius, Gwen and Gwaine crying over him? Arthur wouldn’t know how to handle it. It would break him. But on the other hand, he couldn’t leave without certainty either. If Merlin was alive, Arthur wouldn’t forgive himself for leaving without at least coming in. However, he found that the decision was taken from him, as the door opened and Gwen almost ran into him.

“Oh, Arthur!”, she exclaimed, a bright smile decorating her face. Arthur took that as a good sign and a relieved sigh passed his lips.

“I was just about to grab some more water, but you can just go in. He’s still unconscious, but Gaius says he’s going to be fine, it will take time, but eventually he will be okay.”

Arthur buried his face in his hands and proceeded to go through his hair with them, laughing nervously.

“Oh thank god”, he breathed, quickly moving past smiling Guinevere, entering the cramped physician’s chambers.

Merlin was laying on the usual bed every injured was placed on. They took off his shirt, probably to properly remove the daggers, which had been stuck in the warlock’s back. They already pulled them out and replaced them with a great white bandage, wrapped around his whole upper body. His eyes were closed and his body relaxed, as if he was just deeply asleep, rather than on the edge of death. He appeared so vulnerable, no trace of the powerful sorcerer that saved all of them was to be seen, left was only a feeble and hurt boy, cursed with a terrible fate. Nonetheless, he was still beautiful. His long lashes cast a shadow on his outstanding cheekbones, his pale skin was covered in bruises. Arthur just wished he could look into the deep blue eyes, wanted to see them glow of life and happiness, wanted to see him smile and hear his gentle and reassuring voice again. He wanted to hear Merlin say that he’s going to be okay.

“How is he?”, the prince managed to ask eventually, voice hoarse and gaze glued on the skinny figure.

“Weakened and an idiot. He was very lucky that no vital organs were damaged too badly, though the daggers were magic and have a great impact nonetheless, even on him. But in the end, he will survive and in less than two weeks he’ll be as good as new. You know him, Sire. He’s tough”, Gaius answered, whilst shuffling to one side of the bed, gently touching Merlin’s forehead, probably checking for a fever.

“It’s a shame that his reunion with everyone had to end up like this”, Gwaine sighed, causing Arthur’s watch to be drawn away from Merlin’s slim figure for the first time.

“Did he plan to come back?”, Arthur asked almost silently. Gwaine, who was leaning against a wall at the other side of the room, raised his eyes to meet the prince’s.

“Yes”, he replied neutrally, “in fact, we were already on our way back. We would have arrived tomorrow at noon, but then Merlin accidentally eavesdropped a conversation between to men regarding the sorceress, who was about to reach Camelot. He woke me up in the middle of the night because of it, he was so worried. I feared he went back to being exhausted and miserable, but instead he was scared for you and Camelot. We rode back as fast as we could, just in time as it seemed. The sorceress wasn’t there yet, but, well, you know the rest don’t you?”

Arthur dropped his gaze again, nervously scratching the back of his hand.

“He tried to warn me beforehand. I should have listened”, he whispered. Gwaine shook his head.

“It wouldn’t have changed a thing. Maybe, you would have been there a few seconds earlier, but in the end, you’d be dead anyways, if it wasn’t for Merlin protecting everyone. So brave and so stupid.” A tiny smile swirled around the prince’s lips. Yes, _stupid and brave,_ that was Merlin.

“Anyway, I’m proud of you, Arthur. You really achieved the magic ban to be lifted. Merlin will be happy.” Gwaine walked over to him and patted his back affectionately.

“How do you know?” A certain tone of surprise swung in his voice, as he watched Gwaine laugh.

“Fireworks are not very quiet and neither is your sister’s voice. I heard her taking about Merlin clearly.”

“I plan on making him the court sorcerer.”

“He certainly deserves it.”

“Yes. Thank you for taking care of him. I mean, not only now, but also for the last months. Of course I will make sure your banishment will be lifted, as well, and if I can make do, I hope to make a real knight of Camelot out of you, if you want that, of course.”

A cheerful smile spread on the bearded man’s face.

“Thanks, Arthur. You really aren’t that great of a prat after all, I guess. Merlin will be delighted to hear that you changed. And I will be looking forward to fight at his and your side as a knight of Camelot, hopefully with you as king soon enough. Also, you should stand up for Lancelot as well, he would make a great knight.”

“I will make sure of that. You both deserve it. Camelot needs good knights.”

Again, Gwaine laughed softly and firmly nodded.

“Well, I better get going. I promised Lancelot to meet him after all of this and tell him what happened while he was gone. Don’t worry too much about Merlin.” Those last words spoken, Gwaine turned and left the chambers without hesitating. Just then Arthur noticed, that Gaius was gone as well, leaving only Merlin and him. Gingerly, Arthur took a seat next to the bed, gently caressing the sleeping boy’s cheek with his thumb and proceeding to carefully brush through his raven black hair. Eventually, he took Merlin’s hand in his own, drawing small circles on the back of his it, feeling the smooth skin under his fingertips.

“You utter bastard. Why do you always do that? Get yourself in trouble just to protect me. You could have _died._ How many more times did you almost die for me? I don’t deserve it”, Arthur began to speak quietly, talking his worries off his soul. Even though he knew Merlin wouldn’t hear him, he felt like he needed to talk about what’s on his mind.

“You can’t do something like that ever again, okay? I had no chance to protect you whatsoever. You can’t just risk your life without giving me the chance to save you! Do you understand? Don’t ever scare me like that again.”

“Hm, I’ll try, no promises, though.”

Arthur took a sharp breath in, staring at the boys’ opened eyes in disbelief. Merlin smiled weakly, softly squeezing Arthur’s hand, which was still holding his.

“Fucking hell, Merlin I’m serious. Please don’t do that again. And don’t leave.”

Tears started prickling in the blonde’s eyes, he was just so overwhelmed by all the emotions, overwhelmed by Merlin being awake and alive, overwhelmed by his blue eyes and the fact that he was able to get lost in them again.

“I won’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it's almost the last chapter... I have been writing this fic for already more than a month! So crazy!  
> Anyway, thank you all for your amazing support, I appreciate it so so much!!  
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter as well and will be excited for the final chapter! Get ready for a long and definitely overdue talk haha!
> 
> Comments and Kudos are great!! Thank you!!  
> \- Saturning


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it comes everyone! The last chapter!

“How are you feeling Merlin?”

“Oh, you know. For someone whose body got pierced by magical daggers three times, actually very okay”, the warlock replied mocking, causing Arthur to smile a little.

“I think we have a lot to talk about, don’t we?”, the prince said eventually, dropping his gaze to the bloodstained bandages wrapped around Merlin’s chest and waist, guilt swelling up inside him.

“I guess we do. Though I am really glad you finally seem to accept my magic, I am not even close to come clear. There’s a lot you still need to know about me.”

Arthur met his eyes once more and for a few seconds they just looked at each other, then Merlin proceeded to talk. His tone was underlined with fear and Arthur could feel Merlin’s hand slightly trembling as he spoke.

“Shall I start with the greatest reveal? I guess that would make sense. Well, Arthur, you do remember Balinor, don’t you? The last dragonlord?” Arthur nodded firmly, his full attention focused on the boy. Merlin avoided his eyes and lowered his voice.  
“Well, he wasn’t quite the last dragonlord. I am. Balinor was my father.”

The prince sucked in a sharp breath, eyes widened.

“Fuck”, he whispered, “Merlin, I’m so sorry. I should have- God _that’s_ why you’ve been crying. That’s why he was suddenly eager to help us. Dear god, why didn’t you say something earlier?”

“Because your father would have been suspicious. I couldn’t risk it. And please don’t apologize yet. I may have done some good, but there have also been things I am not proud of.”

Nervously Merlin bit on his lower lip. He knew sooner or later he had to say it, but that would make it so much more real. Maybe Arthur would change his mind after Merlin told him everything. Though Merlin didn’t have a choice. No more secrets.

“I was the reason the great dragon was set free”, he blurted out, causing Arthur to freeze once again, eyes still glued to the young man.

“But please let me finish”, he added quickly and desperately. “I had to. The dragon’s name is Kilgarrah, he was the one to give me advice when I didn’t know how to help you and he was the one to tell me about my destiny. He made Excalibur. However, he demanded as a fair prize that one day I set him free. Soon he urged me and I had no choice! So I did as he told me. I should have known he was going to give Camelot hell for what Uther had done to his kind. Luckily, my father taught me one or two things about being a dragonlord and I was able to banish him, I know that doesn’t make up for all the people he killed and lives he destroyed. He- He’s not dead and it hasn’t been you, either, but you did fight bravely, really you did. I’m sorry, Arthur. It was all my fault.”

The warlock felt his eyes tearing up, though he struggled to stop it. This was no time to cry.

“It’s… it’s fine. That’s in the past and you didn’t have a choice as you said. You still saved us all in the end, that’s all that counts for me”, Arthur replied at last, still smiling down at Merlin, who couldn’t hide his surprise and shot up, just to instantly fall back on the mattress, as he forgot his injuries, face struck with pain.

“You really forgive me?”

“How could I not? Your good deeds outweigh the bad ones by far. Also I still talk to my father and he certainly is responsible for far more innocent deaths than you, given all the sorcerers he executed and stupid wars he fought.”

Gently Arthur continued to draw small circles on the back of Merlin’s hand with his thumb, delightfully noticing the goosebumps spreading on the warlock’s skin. However, his eyes widened shortly after as realization hit him once more.

“ _Fuck,_ Arthur! Your father wants me _killed!”,_ he exclaimed in fear. Terror stroke through his shaking body and his frantic eyes started to fill with panic. Arthur took him by the shoulders, forcing the boy to look him in the eyes, before he continued talking in a soft, reassuring voice.

“Calm down, Merlin. You are not going to be killed. In fact, you are going to be praised. Because of your brave act, magic is once again permitted in Camelot. Do you understand?”

“What?” His voice was hoarse and his eyes watery, but this time it happened out of pure joy and disbelief. He couldn’t wrap his head around the prince’s words. Why would sorcery be allowed in Camelot?

“How did that happen? Was Uther brainwashed? Did he _die?_ ”

“No, idiot, I just like to think that Morgana and I can be very convincing when we are determined to achieve something, even if it’s the stubborn king we have to persuade.”

Arthur couldn’t deny his pride as he saw Merlin’s glowing expression.

“You convinced him? And you won? I – I will live. I will live freely, I can be myself!” Excitedly, Merlin laughed loudly and again, Arthur felt how much he had missed the young man, his beautiful laugh in particular.

“After all that _was_ your condition, right? So you will stay in Camelot again, or am I mistaken?” he asked fondly, watching Merlin’s gaze shooting up to him.

“No, that’s – yes. It was. Though you know, I would have stayed anyway. I didn’t expect it to be changed, certainly not while Uther is still king. But there might be another thing I have to ask fo-”

“Don’t worry, Gwaine will be allowed to stay as well. Might even become a knight of Camelot, he’s a good man, Camelot needs people like him.”

“Since when are you so good at reading my mind?”

“I like to believe, I have always been quite good at that.”

“Oh, really? And why would you think that, regarding we weren’t even friends and you occasionally made my life living hell?” The snarky comment rolled of his tongue faster than he could think about, making Arthur shift uncomfortably in his seat, though still not letting go of his hand.

“I really did think of you as a friend, Merlin. Just… have been to arrogant and proud to admit it, I guess”, he muttered silently.

“Yeah, that sounds really fake, you know? I mean, you didn’t even want to hug me! Was I that poisonous to you?” Hurt was now mixed in the sorcerer’s voice. Arthur’s heart felt heavy. He remembered that moment clearly, though he often had tried to oppress it. That was the first time he thought about having feelings for Merlin. He regretted that moment deeply, he should have gone for the hug, maybe more than just that. And now he had another chance, might as well use it. Merlin deserved to know the reason.

“You weren’t _poisonous,_ more like the opposite, and I regret that moment. I didn’t hug you, because I was scared you might feel my heart race and beat out of my chest. I was scared, _I_ could hear my heart beating, just because I was near you.”

Merlin lay in confused silence for a few seconds. After what felt like an eternity or two, he put the final question out in the room. The one that would change everything, if Arthur was to answer truthfully. And he was. No more secrets.

“What does that mean exactly?”

The prince took another deep breath in and met the man’s gentle blue eyes.

“That means that I love you, Merlin. Have back then, but been too much of a coward to admit it even to myself, and I finally realized when you have been gone. I tried telling you in the woods, but you didn’t listen, understandably of course. I have been an… idiot.”

“Prat. Dollophead. Turnip head. I have many names for it.”

Arthur frowned at Merlin, who was now grinning cheerfully, struggling to hold himself up, so he could close the great gap between their bodies. His frown turned into amusement, as he watched the black haired boy try to work against the bandages, though worries were still screaming in the back of his head about his health.

“Maybe, I should perhaps, meet you halfway?”, he asked, hinting a charming laugh.

“That would be so considerate of your pratly majesty.”

A short but joyful bark of laughter left the prince’s throat, before he quickly close the distance between their faces by gently pressing his lips on Merlin’s, carefully holding the man in his arms in order to cause him no pain, however, pain was the last thing Merlin could be possibly thinking about right now. His mind was wiped blank. Only Arthur’s soft lips moving against his slightly chapped ones mattered. His hands moved to Arthur’s neck and through his soft blonde hair, trying to feel every bit of skin he could reach. It felt as if the last pieces of a great confusing puzzle finally fell into place. It felt soothing, but also sort of ridiculous. They could have had this so much earlier if it hadn’t been for both of their stupid behaviour.

They couldn’t care less about it anymore. At least it happened now, everything else didn’t count.

When they eventually broke apart, neither would stop smiling ludicrously bright.

“I love you, too, Arthur. You know, still, after all this time. You just wouldn’t leave my mind, no matter what I did. As I told you, it isn’t that easy to forget someone, especially you as it seems.”

Arthur believed he had never been this happy in his whole life of being a wealthy prince and would never be again.

“God, I’m so glad you’re alive”, he replied, joy marked his voice in so many ways.

“Yeah, me too.”

“So when are you returning to your job? Will tomorrow be fine?”, the prince proceeded to ask appearing thoroughly serious. Merlin’s smile vanished at the speed of light.

“What.”

“Oh you know, as my manservant. I have never fired you and you never actually resigned. Couldn’t find a better servant.”

“You _have_ to be kidding me.”

“Why would I?”

“I have never witnessed someone destroy the romantic mood faster than you. You do realize I am now legally entitled to use magic, right? I can make your lif-”

“Of course I am joking! Calm down, Merlin, you should see your _face_ right now”, Arthur broke out laughing, shaking his head hysterically.

“Oh you think you’re so funny, huh?”, Merlin commented annoyed, causing the prince to just laugh even harder. Eventually, he stopped laughing and remembered the point he wanted to make.

“Well, anyways, I have a better job for you than being my – idiot – manservant.”

“If it’s being a _squire_ or some other shit don’t even bother making that joke.”

“No, I’m being, really, actually serious right now. I’d like you to become the court sorcerer.”

“The _what now._ ” The warlock shot up again, once more ignoring the pain burning through his body, eyes wide and mouth opened.

“Court Sorcerer. Now that magic is legalized again, I believe we need an expert for it. Who would be better than you? The people already trust you, I certainly trust you as well, which is very important in my opinion, and over all you are most definitely an expert”, Arthur explained. Merlin slowly nodded, while still processing the information the prince had just given him.

“I mean, it would a great fucking honour and I would love to! Really, though...”

“Though what?”

Nervously, Merlin picked at the blanket as he bit his lip, trying to put his thoughts into words.

“I mean, what would I need to do? You know me, I’m awfully clumsy, not very political and, you know – me?”

A frown marked Arthur’s face as he listened to Merlin’s – ridiculous – concerns.

“Well, first of all your powerful magic makes up for your clumsiness. Second: whenever it came to give me advice or people were treated badly, you could come up with very convincing political statements with ease, though being the court sorcerer isn’t necessarily connected to political things. Third: Merlin, you are amazing. And I don’t say that just because I have feelings for you, but because I _know_ you. I’m sure you will do a great job, being Camelot’s first court sorcerer in decades. Otherwise I wouldn’t offer it to you. You may be my boyfriend, but Camelot’s well being is and always will be the priority. So in conclusion: You are perfect for this job and I wouldn’t trust anyone else with it. Do you understand?”

Merlin had listened in silence, another smile spreading on his face, wide and cheery.

“In that case, I gladly accept. Being both, your court sorcerer _and_ boyfriend, by the way.”

Just now Arthur realized what he said. A faint blush touched his cheeks, but he didn’t look away, just answered with a smile.

“You should rest now, after all we will need you as soon as possible, so we can discuss the new laws for magic, which we will need, and officially make you court sorcerer. Get well soon.”

They shared another short kiss, before Arthur stood up to leave, or so he planned, but Merlin grabbed his wrist, holding him back.

“Something else?”, Arthur asked, eyebrows lifted.

“I haven’t come all clear yet. You still don’t know everything”, Merlin noted, a concerned look on his face. Arthur laughed.

“Don’t worry, we will have enough time for that _after_ you rested. I’ll gladly listen to all you hero stories and criminal tales as soon as you are well and healthy again, alright? So sleep, you need it.”

“Mhh, I hate and love smart you, Arthur, it’s confusing”, the warlock answered smugly.

“Well, you don’t like me for being easy, do you?”, Arthur reminded him and in response Merlin let out a soft cackle.

“That’s true.”

“I know, Merlin”, the prince said, as he turned around, eventually leaving the chambers with his chin up high and happiness radiating off him.

 

“Your fighting style hasn’t changed a bit.” His voice echoed over the suddenly silent trainings field.

Instantly the sound of swords scattering to the floor occurred and two men who had been fighting just a few seconds ago turned around to face the source of the voice.

“Merlin!”, they exclaimed simultaneously in outraged disbelief and slight shock. Arthur was the first to move towards his stand, while Merlin broke out laughing.

“Not thrilled to see me?”

Gwaine crossed his arms, watching from safe distance, not very ecstatic though.

“What are you doing out here?”, Arthur demanded to know as he stood in front of Merlin, hands on his hips.

“Well, obviously watching you and the other knights train”, the warlock bluntly replied.

“Merlin, you have been heavily injured. You shouldn’t be even up yet!”

“Come on. That was two days ago already. It’s boring staying inside of Gaius’ chambers all the time and having to wait until one of you has the time to come visit. It’s my turn to visit.”

“What part of two weeks don’t you understand? You shouldn’t be walking around like that after just a few days. You have been stabbed _three times! Magically!_ ” Though Arthur covered it up with rage, Merlin certainly knew the prince was just worrying for him, which, however, didn’t make him any more right.

“Yes, I know, and I’m still alive, if that’s not a reason to walk, then I don’t know what is!”

Arthur opened his mouth to argue, but no countering words came out. Instead, a quiet mutter passed his lips.

“Can’t argue with that”, he murmured as he put an arm around his boyfriend’s waist, pulling him closer.

“I’m glad you’re healing well.”

“Magic does have its perks”, Merlin noted grinning.

“Sure does. However, I have to return to the knights training now, if you’ll excuse me.”

“Oh, of course, Sire. Don’t want to keep your men waiting, after all I did come out to see some good fights in the first place.”

“And here I was thinking you might just wanted to see me.”

“That’s just a nice bonus.”

“Of course it is. Well in that case, enjoy the show.”

Merlin continued grinning at his boyfriend, pulling him in for a quick but powerful kiss in front of everyone, before releasing him to the trainings field once more.

Arthur smiled, as he turned around and walked back towards Gwaine, who already picked up his sword, ready and excited for the next round. No one even cared about him and Merlin, the knights have been suspecting it for years already anyways.

“Well then, Sir Gwaine, let’s give him a show, shall we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it. That was my story. First of all I want to thank everyone for their incredible support! Over 4500 hits, 250 Kudos, 30 comments and quite a few bookmarks!! That's unbelievable!! Thank you so much!! Every single Kudos and Comment made me smile!!  
> I hope I was able to entertain you and meet all of your expectations for the ending! It's not as dramatic or great as one might wish, but I like it and I hope you do as well.  
> This story is the first one ever to reach more than 20000 words, even more than 25000! I have never been able to continue a story for that long and that's all due to your great motivation! Thanks!! I have been writing it for over a month and though I hate finishing things off forever, I'm also incredibly proud and will be forever very fond of this story.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed it! Maybe consider leaving a last comment with your opinion and/or Kudos? I'd greatly appreciate it. I'd also be happy if you'd look into my other stories as well, there are quite a few merthur ones, a new one just revcently added!  
> Thank you all so much for reading!! Goodbye!!  
> \- Saturning
> 
> P.s. If y'all wanna reach me: my tumblr is letsawesomepossum


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